Hi guys!
Coming to you all the way from Puerto Vallarta Mexico, please say hello to my friends and fellow Corp baddies - Pearl Abue, Daniella Mafe & Blessing 'Bibichukwu' Akonure.
I've never had more than two guests per time on a recorded episode so I was a bit nervous about the outcome BUT we had so much fun doing it! (and the episode chapters say it all!)
I hope you learn a thing or two from our work/visa struggles, and enjoy hearing from adults in their late twenties/early thirties, about their love, dating & "marriage" experience(s), haha!
Also, for visual updates of my trip to Mexico - please see my Mexico 🇲🇽 highlights on Instagram (Part I & II), and join the rest of The Non-Immigrant Student Community on my Instagram channel for more life updates!
Okay then, let me leave you to it. Happy Listening and please do let me know what you think! Thank you!
Con Amor desde Mexico,
TPDB
P.S. - If you're interested in a branded NIS T-shirt, kindly sign-up here for one :)
Please rate the podcast wherever you listen, and leave a review where you can. It helps me reach more people. Thank you! Also, follow here for more :)
Hi guys!
Coming to you all the way from Puerto Vallarta Mexico, please say hello to my friends and fellow Corp baddies - Pearl Abue, Daniella Mafe & Blessing 'Bibichukwu' Akonure.
I've never had more than two guests per time on a recorded episode so I was a bit nervous about the outcome BUT we had so much fun doing it! (and the episode chapters say it all!)
I hope you learn a thing or two from our work/visa struggles, and enjoy hearing from adults in their late twenties/early thirties, about their love, dating & "marriage" experience(s), haha!
Also, for visual updates of my trip to Mexico - please see my Mexico 🇲🇽 highlights on Instagram (Part I & II), and join the rest of The Non-Immigrant Student Community on my Instagram channel for more life updates!
Okay then, let me leave you to it. Happy Listening and please do let me know what you think! Thank you!
Con Amor desde Mexico,
TPDB
P.S. - If you're interested in a branded NIS T-shirt, kindly sign-up here for one :)
Please rate the podcast wherever you listen, and leave a review where you can. It helps me reach more people. Thank you! Also, follow here for more :)
Hi guys, welcome back to Noni Mugasudan podcast. This is the Out of Office episode and I don't know if you can hear the waves in the background. I'm currently here with my friends I call them Corp Buddies and you know we're currently. Where are we, guys? We are in Mexico. Mexico In PBR, hola Monta, we are in. I know right. I know right. Gracias, senorita. We are snowspeaking friends.
Speaker 1:For this episode we are going to be talking about love, dating and marriage. Guys, yes, rough on the streets, but yeah, we hope you sit back and listen and enjoy. You can help me on the streets of Ithaca. They will tell you I'm popular everywhere. I mean, I'm that new Nenira girl who just came here and has friends in all sects and factions of this university MBA, graduate students, undergraduate students, phd students. Like girl, I'm popular. Welcome to the Nenira Student Podcast. This is the podcast where, if I can do it, you can do it too. Hi guys, okay, we are back. We are back.
Speaker 1:Just before we continue, I'd like my friends to introduce themselves. So, as you might know, if you follow me on Instagram already, you know that this past weekend I was in Mexico, puerto Vallarta, and then I invited Pearl as my high post one, and she has been on this podcast before. So one of the very first episodes, we talked about her dropping out of PhD and how she overcame it and actually didn't drop out. But today I am joined by two new guests, daniella and Baby. All the way from Boston and Florida. You guys, give it up for them, wherever you are. Give it up for them, and now they will be introducing themselves. You know where they grew up, what they studied and what they do now, because I already described you guys as a co-buddy. So, please, I don't want any false humanity here. We'll start with you, daniella.
Speaker 1:Hi everyone, my name is Daniella. Yes, I'm still learning how to be one. I have an undergrad in accounting in Ghana and I have my what do you call it? My Master's program is a postgraduate program in finance and international business. I currently work with a renewable energy company. I really just started to try to find my way, so I'm happy to be here to share. Yeah, okay, I will go into your job, your employment journey, soon, in a bit. And for you, baby, hi everyone, it's really great to be here too. Thank you, baby.
Speaker 1:So about me so I grew up in Lagos, nigeria. I had my undergrad in electrical engineering at the University of Benin and then I came to the US to get my Master's in biomedical engineering and I ran out of my program in 2019 and started working in corporate America 2020. I've been with Pfizer and I work as a process development scientist. I know a lot of saving lives here. Did you develop more vaccines? I worked on it. I'm newly joined the company.
Speaker 1:When COVID was in town, I did work on it, but I was not a core team player in the last four years. Well, that's nice. I'm pale, just for the courtesy of you. Hi guys, it's me again. I know you missed me. Wow. Well, I'm back. You guys, and I don't know.
Speaker 1:I think the last time we spoke, I was just getting started with my second year of grad school and now I'm my fifth year. Hopefully, I'm going to be graduating in a few months. Honestly, they let me work. I probably will be graduating in a few months, but God's grace is what it is, but God's grace too. Flight are almost booked. Flight are almost booked. We're here again.
Speaker 1:I'm just here to talk to you guys. I missed y'all. I've been listening for a few minutes since we spoke. Let's talk about life again. Laugh, I'm a rapper Also has a job offer. I mean, she doesn't want to mention it? Yeah, and Daniel, you didn't tell us that you were in Florida A name of company or not? All what you do for them? Okay, I think I missed some steps.
Speaker 1:I grew up in Lagos, nigeria. I moved to Boston in 2021. Just right after COVID for my master's program and then right now I'm based in Florida and I just moved there like three weeks ago Three weeks, yeah, that's still new. So Renewable Energy Company is going next to our energy. I work with Solar Desnets and we're trying to put lights in people's houses using the sun. Love it, I love that. I love it. Yeah, yeah, that's it. And do you want to share? Okay, first of all, I always ask people how we met and if you're new here. I currently work for Google. I've been there a year plus now as a program manager, so me that's my own cup of body history. But anyway, how we all met. Perla and I were roommates in Common University for a year and then we worked together on a lot of social activities and events back at school.
Speaker 1:For BB, I met her on Instagram For an Instagram story. No, what is it? We were planning an event in Boston. Okay, okay, okay, we shot my virtual. We met on Instagram for money. Then we now follow each other on Instagram and she's like great vibes, you go ahead. I can't tell her. She entertains me every time I watch her Instagram. I need to put it out there that Daniela has already shot me several times on 40 trash BB's Instagram, dpp's Kanaeos picture. That is an idea. Who is this? Kanaeo? Kanaeo and DPP? Exactly, I'm Kanaeo's metaphor for retrospelling. We're going to see what you're making. Yeah, exactly, you're getting Girls are getting. I'm going to go, but it's all jokes, please don't wear, because my dad would be leaving baddies as well. Exactly For Daniela, I met you when I first the couple were actually here, so we've written today.
Speaker 1:I came to see them in Boston when Zara was getting her MBA. I called her Auntie because I've known her since I was 17. Anyway, I have to explain that. Then I met you at the event and I was like wait, I think I know you. I know you from somewhere. We met at NYC Count. That's how we started talking. Then we realized that we had it, we had it, we had it, come on.
Speaker 1:And then, even last year, before I got my job at Google in January February of 2020, I was also in Boston too, because I could not survive alone in Ithaca and I was living with them. There was a time when Zara and Okokwa had to travel. Then I would help. They asked me to come and help them, take care of Balaji and this one at home. I would bathe them, give them breakfast, get them ready and Daniela would drive them to school. I told you, I'm going to help you. We were like co-parent, I'm going to help you, I'm going to help you, please bring them downstairs. Exactly, it was cute. We shared that together. I'm so happy that you guys are here today.
Speaker 1:Before we jump into your employment history, daniela, I think you have the most specular one here how you have to go to Nigeria, renew your visa, come back. Do you want to share those struggles? I believe you know it's a good part of it. When I moved here in 2021, boston, and when you get into a master's program in America, a lot is happening in school. It easily gets sucked in. Everyone wants you to start preparing your CVs. You don't even know what the STEM looks like. There's not a part of fear of not knowing what to do what to talk about. Everyone seems to be moving.
Speaker 1:It was like a one-spot. I didn't even get an internship during the internship season. I didn't know that people were recruiting for internships like six months, seven months prior I waited. By the time I was getting into it, they had already closed the rounds. People would say go for all these events. They're still in national black.
Speaker 1:I was a student. I was a student on a student budget. I could not afford to throw $1000 dollars to travel just to meet human beings. I think a lot of my moves are faith-based. I'm like I want this, but I don't think it's wise for me to use this money to go and meet a human being, believing that I would get something else of it. People talk about referrals how you can't get anything in America without referrals. As much as that plays a very huge role, it almost makes you so reliant on human beings. I will tie it back to religion. Because I'm a Christian, very faith-based, I tie it back there. It was a real struggle for me because I'm here like growing together.
Speaker 1:When did you graduate? I graduated in 2020. I think I graduated in 2003. I did a two-year program in 2023. Every 2023, they were following me. It wasn't a smooth journey. It wasn't linear.
Speaker 1:The other part of it was visa, because when did you get your OPT kicked in? My OPT kicked in in July and I didn't sign an offer by July and you have 60 days of time to sign an offer. You have 90 days to sign an offer or you leave the country To him. I did a regular payment for OPT. That means three months' wait. It was $400. It seemed like it wasn't coming two months after I've been doing recruitment as an international student.
Speaker 1:At some point of your recruitment they want to know what your status is. They need proof of that status for some establishments. Maybe some would do otherwise, but the ones I was dealing with wanted to see if I was legally allowed to work. I didn't have it, so I had to drop another $1,005 to do the express sense. That was my last one. I was done with school, everything. This is money to hold until you start a job, so I had to put all that money in. I needed to fast track my OPT process. This was two months and a half into the process. I made that move, the struggles with corporate America and the politics in it when it comes to recruitment. I had to get the hiring fees ongoing here and there.
Speaker 1:You made a statement yesterday that God should do that, god should give me this job, because I was trying to get a job Different establishments and it seemed like all of them were similar Having the hiring fees. And I'm like God, you need to make your way for me. And I also shared with you about the whole referrals thing. I believe in referrals, I believe in connections, but at the same time, again, faith-based Christian, I believe in God first. Every other thing will come. God will send people your way. When you rely on God, america pushes you to the point where you're relying on Him and being His. You're not even Korean. Every relationship is all strategic. He has mixed-trassic relationships in me. I had to work for Uncle because money may start up in Nigeria, which was all legal and all but connections. That helped for the first time.
Speaker 1:Exactly, there's a place he plays. There's also a time where he pushes you to the point where you're not praying about anything, you're just thinking where should I go? You're all going to be here. There's no way. Who should I meet? And again, they'll also tell you that when you meet someone the first time, you can't tell them what you need Build relationships. I want to take a crook One way.
Speaker 1:Two weeks later you say hi, when do I tell you what I'm looking for Exactly? I know it's very rare. I'm ready to offer value in exchange, but I need you to know why I'm here. It doesn't sound like I'm taking advantage. Maybe I don't know where the line is. Line is. I love that Exactly. You never know where the boundary is.
Speaker 1:I couldn't do it. I believe in building relationships because of who the person is. I agree. An opportunity will come where we discuss where you're at and how we can exchange value. So that means, given that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do, because when you're at school, say, go to events, send them an email on LinkedIn, tell them you need this. I couldn't, so you could say I was behind that I had good. Now just tell them how you get to me. First I got a friend from you, not me. I got a friend from who works at Amazon. Now I got different girls. I shared this with Mimi.
Speaker 1:Every time I got the referral time to apply, the jobs disappeared. The first time I promised you, I told you that this is a serious issue. I get the referrals. They give me a nice one, get him there. The job is done. This is a job that would have probably been there either newly posted or less than six months. So I had all this experience that I knew that God was telling me something. Again, christian, I knew in my heart that I was relying on human beings now God. So I had to tell myself the truth that Daniela, you are living on. The Bible says well, because it's in the apostrophe trust in man. So I was relying on human beings and God needed to show me that it's not by that. So how did you eventually get this job In Benjili? How did you even plan to be in Mexico, because I don't think I mentioned how three or four of us are sitting down here together.
Speaker 1:Mimi, you know where's Lauren, apart from I met her through Daniela. She did last night's makeup for last night's party. No, no, no, actually me. It was when I did your birthday makeup and Lauren came for your birthday and she said, oh, I love Daniela's makeup. And then you said, oh, it was TV. And she thought. I told her like, oh, oh, oh, yes, she is. I can't lie, I can't lie. I always see this. I love it, I love it, and then Pearl and I. So when I came to Austin to celebrate my first Christmas, pearl came to see me in their house and that's why I invited her to this wedding as well, because she knows them. So we and I and Daniela had planned to room together originally for the wedding, for the co-parents, for their kids, and then I was like, I hope you want to come to Mexico, and then that's how we're going together, and then baby two is also here. So that's how we're on each other.
Speaker 1:But how did you get your job right now in Florida, and how did you even already start putting down money for this trip when you didn't have the job? Because we started putting this trip almost a year ago. So I want to know, like, who made you do that? How do you have a visa? When I was planning this trip, I mean as far as your student visa, as far as your student visa, what do you mean by you didn't have the visa? My student visa, your student visa, is your US visa. You don't have a US visa. You have a Mexican visa and if it expires, you can't. If you leave, you can't come by. You can't come by. You can't even come into Mexico, you can't expire a US visa, except you have a Mexican visa. Okay, alright. So a lot was playing.
Speaker 1:So first, how did I get my job? I started following this company a year ago. I think I should have been here. I think I should have been following the company a year ago, because they're into renewable energy and in Nigeria I was in the oil and gas space and I felt like, coming to America, I needed to pick a sustainable career, because you hear of how tech is rounding up, means are happening. I feel like I needed to consider myself where I'm safe, at least for the first three years, for other things.
Speaker 1:So I sometimes say that my job must be no, babe, no, you're not a tech person, you're not a software engineer. Okay, okay, true, true, true, okay. I'm not gonna lie, because if I say, yeah, it's like washing away something, yeah, you're a good girl, I was like, but then I'm not an engineering girl, science girl, finance and business girl. That talent is everywhere. Business girl, when it comes to America, it's not the cast resort. Yeah, it's transferable. The only thing that will separate you is maybe how you deliver your work and how impressionable you are. But you can find someone with a good, smart person that can build models like this before you find a tech person that knows the hardware, the software, the in and the out.
Speaker 1:So I felt like I needed to find this, get myself into a place where, if only the whole of America is crumbling, america will make sure its citizens have life. Yeah, that's true. America will make sure that you pay energy companies to keep everywhere running and keep everywhere at bay. So that was my surprise. I was like, okay, I'm also coming from energy space. I want to. I want to save space. I want to place that. I do something. If I'm going to walk into a larger position, I don't want to be lost. I want to know that they are using some words and I'm like looking around. So that was my thing. I started following them a year ago and because I I go go to the top energy companies America, they came up on the list, apart from the other, mobile and the rest. I started applying to apply to different roles. I didn't get those roles. I wish I really be some at some point to do some interviews. I'm just getting there now.
Speaker 1:Some weird things happened. So this one was three friend, a friend of mine. She met my boss at an event and she just mentioned this to my boss the first time she was missing my boss. That was she recruiting. And my boss said, yes, I'm recruiting, do you have someone? And she's on my scene. She's like this is her person I'm looking for. And that was how it happened. And then they got it so that already applied to other roles in that same company, other units. That's how actually I go.
Speaker 1:My Google, I had applied to other roles and then they saw my senior and asked and you could tell, it starts before my current role Exactly and that was it. And I knew that this one was God's hand because I was not looking for it at that moment. I was not searching for it, yes, but was it talk moves on my head, like you know, is it for God's person? Other things will follow. It wasn't. I come to a place where I was like God, if you don't make this happen for me, it means you don't want me to be here to show me next steps and I will go. That was where I had gotten to and when I got there, things started to fall in place. At least, what I have right now is where things falling in place, so that's like the best way for me to cap it God came through. Yeah, yeah, thank you for sharing. Thank you, thank you so much for sharing. Okay, daniela, for you.
Speaker 1:Bibi, how did you get your job at Pfizer? By the way, where did you do your grad school? I did it in New Haven Connected Club. Oh, did you ever meet Lingamam? I know they lived there. Do you know those who have been moved? No, actually, they moved to New Haven when I already moved out. Oh, I see, yeah, so I didn't meet them.
Speaker 1:When did you move to the US, by the way? I moved in 2017. So I graduated 2015. Oh, you're going to be here. Wow, you're going to be here. Wow, I have been, yeah, kind of OG. Did you want to share your EB2 story? Yeah, I mean I can, but I probably will briefly.
Speaker 1:When you got your job at Pfizer, did you first of all, how many companies you take to get Pfizer? Did they sponsor you from the O1 and then made you decide to apply for the EB2 visa? Okay, so this might be very long? Yeah, because this is like, I mean, I'm headstirred before anything. So I moved to the US in 2017. I finished my program 2019.
Speaker 1:And, like Daniela, I didn't get an internship, but I wasn't like too worried about it. And you know, when you come into your steps into go time, like everything falls in place. So when I didn't get an internship, I wasn't too worried about it. I just like worked with my professor, I was in the lab, you know, doing all that stuff in the summer. And then, first of all, when I finished going to 20 December 2019, I started applying for full time jobs after graduate. No, in August. So I was graduate in December, so I was applying in August. So I only had one interview and that was with Pfizer and I just got the offer. So I got the offer October. Wow, I think your muscles are in the barmenical area, yeah. So I got the offer in October and I was going to start working January of 2020.
Speaker 1:And then COVID came. We had COVID in the US in like March of 2020. So, and before then, I already I do not want to get an H1B visa because of all the restrictions. I just felt like I really wanted to be settled in America. So I've never thought like that before. I like that, yeah. So I already knew I didn't want H1B. So when I started working with Pfizer, I didn't even like ask them for H1B, and the reason why is becauseI also knew someone that had done EB2. So I set my mind on that and that was what I wanted to do. And you were a scientist, right? Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:So I think when now, when there was COVID in the US, I saw that I was an opportunity to you know, build my story from an EB2 application, did you use the lawyer? I did not. Wow, you're one of those people. I read it. No, I will be listening to you. You weren't used to post all these MFM hallelujah challenge. I will be following you. That God that you're serving Let him come to you, even with your current picture. I know, I know, I know, I know Exactly that Google. You know they pay. It's a lie. I guess it does pay, but anyway, sorry, sorry. So you knew you're the lawyer. Yeah, I knew you're the lawyer. So, because I had friends that did the anti-noisy lawyer. So what happened was that? Trust me, how do you even know you qualified? How do I know I qualified?
Speaker 1:Because I looked through, like, the conditions and the criteria to apply. One of them was you need to have an advanced degree, which already had. Can I remember the other I think I was applying under the advanced degree N? I W? U? Do you have to have written articles, published papers? So for that application it's not one of like the key recurrence yeah, exactly, it's not like 100% required because I don't have any published article. Okay, it's nice to have it, but it's not a requirement, yeah, it's not a requirement. So, basically, n? I U S A S would have like this you know, they have like these three prongs on what you need to satisfy for them to grant you, and one of them was you need to have an advanced degree. What you're doing is, you know, substantial. It was important to the U S, yeah, so I'm with COVID.
Speaker 1:Like what we were doing at that time was like there was no company, I think J and J, some of other companies were developing the vaccine, but Pfizer was already leading. So that was a good opportunity for me. And then I think the last one is that you know, on the balance, that you know whatever you're doing, the U S I'm really I'm not saying it's verbatim, but whatever you're doing, the U S Is, you know, needs your skills, yeah, and so that was when I figured that, okay, what I'm doing currently fits into all of these three prongs that the USJS wants to see. I was like, why not? Why not, and how long was the application and how much it costs you? So, basically, when I started the application, this was it took a while to write it because it's a very, very mind-work. Yeah, like 1500. What I say it's not an essay. Yeah, a bunch of things like recommendation. I think you can do it now because you're renewable energy sector. Like we know someone who is that a petition? Yeah, I think, like anyone can do it.
Speaker 1:I'm thinking of leaving this country. You are now. You are making me think about it. No, you don't have a picture and leave it in the country. My, my, the way I look at it, the less I look at it from is is it good to have? But you may need to have it and it depends on your own goals. For me, it's not top of my priority, like getting it. Yeah, I don't think it's priority. I share this with you. Yeah, for me, I'm not so keen that I had.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna stay here, okay, so, even though I want to, when I wanted to, a lot of friends that advise me about this and I don't believe I let me do a group chat with everybody. Everybody is doing the who is applying, and I think when I met that was the first conversation we had. Yes, I usually just told them that she was petitioning and she was waiting for some things, et cetera. I was like don't have this in me, I don't have this in me. Yeah, exactly, I think that's when you said that you love to live in Switzerland. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I love the US, I want to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have to express Europe. Yeah, exactly, I know.
Speaker 1:I told Bibi that. Yeah, so, you know, my brother giving up on me when it goes to the US. Actually, it's like I think it was gonna be like, yeah, you're not gonna be up on off. So, bibi, no, I already. No, my brother, carrie, sent me this message from her and then, yeah, I just sent her your application. I'm like, girl, I don't have it in me. Start telling me no, it's good to see you guys do it, because I should actually think about it, because I mean, I did really want to be in the US before. So I should always remember that the opportunities here, too, are so nice.
Speaker 1:The opportunities here are great. Yeah, you know, it's one of the progressive countries that we have in the world, right? Yeah, it's a great thing to have. It opens doors, the opportunity for you to do a lot for yourself and your kids. And how long is the visa? Forever, or how does it get it's for 10 years. The green card actually? Yeah, I've liked what. The citizenship after five years? Yeah, see, if you can't, I don't like it. If you can't option the marriage, if you can't put your head down and get your application right, I mean what I'm thinking about it to a big one, I'm saying comprise it to the other options. That is as popular marriage getting married is also as popular as this.
Speaker 1:I think one of the great things about the US process is all you are getting in line, you get your job, follow the steps. You don't even stress. No one needs to see your forehead, no one is to know what you're doing. Yeah, it's just how much it costs you. It wasn't a lot because the form was, I think it was about $750. I think it has changed. Yeah, I think now it costs like on average, like the first step, because they are two steps. The first step is like 2,000, like $1,700. Yeah, and then the second step is like $1,500. So they changed. The prices increase, yeah, and this is you doing it on your own, without your company's help?
Speaker 1:Yes, the only help that my company gave me was when I needed to get recommendation letters. My bosses needed to reach out to immigration, like, hey, I'm about to write this for this person and what do you think I would say that? Yeah, so I think that's the help that I was able to get from my company. I find that it's a self-petition. So they really don't play in the Aikiro, I see. And how long and when did you get it? You said you're planning on general time. So I applied during COVID.
Speaker 1:So it kind of took a while for me to get a response. And then at one point I'm open to sharing this, daniela even knows when they told me they sent me a mail and they were like oh, we need you to get all of these documents, like RFP, so I request for everything. Yeah, I request for everything. So they asked me, like you know, I need all of these things, like, what Recommendations from your bosses? No, they kind of said that in that letter. It was a very bulky mail and they were like, oh, you did not satisfy all of these three prompts and you know it's like you work in this great company. You said all these amazing things about yourself. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:And so I was just like you know what? I had to go back, you know, and think of how to properly write this. And I reached out to a lot of people, you know, that had gotten the RFP in the past and be like, okay, how did you respond to this? And so I was able to like respond to them, and at that point when it happened, my open ID was about to expire, so I responded back to them. And then also, what I did in that moment was I just submitted the rest of my application, that the green card, the I14, the travel document and the work authorization. So I submitted all of them like early this year. So what they did was they gave me my work authorization so I can continue working and then so, pending when you know the response from, so you just got it this year, the work authorization, the green card the green card hasn't come in the mail yet, but the petition has been approved. Yes, thank you, the petition has been approved, but then the green card itself is gonna. Yeah, there's been a whole like wait time now. So people are waiting to get the I14 green card. There's schedule time now. On the less schedule time, I know you probably do want to share that.
Speaker 1:You're also on this journey. Yeah, I'm also on the journey. Are you doing yourself, facing it, lawyer? I'm using lawyer as a. It's better actually, do you mind how much? What's the range to hire lawyer? I mean, it's not even a range. I think all lawyers kind of charge the same thing, although if you're like doing it by yourself, it's, I think 5,000. But then for each added Like, if you're a married person and you have kids and espoused, for each added person like there's an extra charge for, like me that I'm just doing for myself on marriage, like 5,000, 4,500.
Speaker 1:But then they have these packages. Is this 5,000? Does it include the 715? No, no, no, nobody actually. No, no, no, no. The lawyers are on reading that for everything it's too much.
Speaker 1:So the thing is that, yeah, you're not even Like the thing is for the lawyers. It's not just that you're paying for their services. Think of it like really accommodates retainers for their lawyers. This package, your retainer for your dad law firm, okay, so until you get the green card Until you get it, okay, okay, okay, that's fair, that's fair and they'll do anything for you. That's fair. Yeah, I agree, it's better. It's better and it's a little easier because they kind of like are with you in the entire process and sure you have a good chance too with your PhD.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm even using my masters at this point. What was your master's in? My master's also in environmental engineering. But, like the point is, I have a master's degree, I haven't gotten my PhD degree yet. So I had a couple of years of work at the store. I know I was scheduling time to think about it, but, okay, I'll write you on the process Anyway. So I'll meet you at the room.
Speaker 1:No, I have to submit. I'm still prepping the documents. That's why, when you start to say long process, like even with lawyers, still I feel like I'm already from that degree. You still need to tell your story because I mean, lawyers aren't in your head. Exactly, I'm still recovering from my Google application. I'm like I'm not, like I'll not stop. I'm not sad that I'm not happy to be a lawyer, please, no, I will not. I still think about how I rode Jerry twice, like I'm not over all that stress.
Speaker 1:I used to come to this country. That's why it's coming again. It's a lie. It's not like I'm going to have lawyers do like. That's why I told all my friends Now I've said if I knew that I could use a lawyer then I would have. But none of my friends use the lawyer.
Speaker 1:So you have a lot of money. There's not enough money. I have to ask for it, like sometimes just to. You have to do what you have to do. Buckle down and ask your parents. Say if you want me to be great in this life Law, I mean, when you get a degree can you file for your family? How does it work Right now?
Speaker 1:I think it's like things have changed. It's false. Yes, and all parents, no, maybe. I don't remember Siblings, no Siblings. I even kind of like. So what's the point of all the fights? I mean I don't kind of like. You can't file for siblings.
Speaker 1:When he becomes a citizen, he's going to the same Like a green card holder. How long has he been in the US? 5 years, 5 years after he became a green card. Oh, that's fair. Yeah, it's a long process. Canada is 3 years. I think he's fell. I thought it was like 15 years or something. I mean I think he would have gotten the green card before they get into Canada and then after that they blinked 3 times. Sorry, I think the US process to normalize the case.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to watch people out. It's so frustrating. I think the good thing here is that if you have the skills and you can't argue it like it's low it's like they call it a reasonable belief, a reasonable doubt you can't argue that you are working. Yeah, exactly, I think that means also having a reason, as cliche as it sounds, what's your mind that will motivate you? I'm not going to argue. I'm not developing a new way. The reason why? Why is that? Because I feel that way. People are just like why would you feel that way? Because I'm standing away in this. They are complete America. That's my why.
Speaker 1:I don't know I need a deeper, why I should catch people up on my life, on what has been happening since my last talk, because this whole what is your why and everything or what have you done? That has been official. By the time, you actually sit down and think I've done other things, but when I tell you that it has really, been really difficult to write Like you proposed, and there were all those things. Because it's just like what have I actually done? Like these folks and people Somebody told me that, like everything plus Nigeria have your entire life, your entire life, your entire life. What have you achieved? Because people that aren't here yet also apply. You're also better, sure. So it's like it's everything you've done. And somebody told me so I Quick catch up.
Speaker 1:I interned with A company last year that works with NASA the contractors for NASA, which was always my dream to work with NASA. But somebody was like oh my god, you basically worked with NASA your mentor, in fact, projects you were working on, all my co-workers were in NASA. I just can't work for NASA, since I'm a citizen Like this. Thing that you've done is you literally worked for the country at this point in time. So what do you mean? That you haven't done anything? You can literally base your entire passion on that one story. But when you sit down sometimes it still feels like you haven't done anything. But really, when you think about it, it's really just telling a story. It's really just telling a story. It's really just giving light to their decision.
Speaker 1:I'm working for a company that is helping to put everybody online. You're working for the economy, I hope, if you like to know, I know some people that work in tech and they've gotten theirs. Don't restrict yourself. And then the why. My why is similar to BB's. Why, in the sense of I don't want to feel Like I want to be free To choose the life I want to live. Just because I got a PhD in chemical engineering Doesn't necessarily mean that I want to live my life Doing this one single thing for the entire time. I want to be able to work for a small company that can't probably not support someone. Actually, I think I know the why. Green card actually gives you the freedom to be whatever you want that day. Because you're not stuck on a job. My biggest fear is layoffs. You're not stuck on a job. Actually, there is an important question If you can't get it, if you're in a field, in a job, there's not an anxiety that also comes with it.
Speaker 1:It takes all the time, but the only thing is that it's a lot of steps to get there. It's not having a perseverance. You need to have a strong why. It's like a PhD. You can't push through, like me.
Speaker 1:Now I said a lot of friends I said have you studied. I'm just like I need something. I'm sitting down and I'm like the Nigerian thing also. We downplay ourselves. My friends will tell me A lot of things that I have done. It's not enough. It's not going to be more than that now. It's not going to be my own that will take.
Speaker 1:I guess there's no harm in trying, but it's just the money. I'm just like how much money do I have to lose If you don't get it first time? I think it's not good. It might take time. It's like 14. It's patience and time. Exactly that's what I love about the US system. It's straightforward If you follow the steps. It might take time for you to get there. Everyone gets B on the Q. They'll get to you. If you can afford a lawyer, you're not overwhelmed with the process. You can face your life, face your job. Budget is like 5-7K If you make. But okay, this is the irony, we call this out of office episode. We're talking about work. Stop, we love our marriage. We're getting right there. We're getting right there. So you guys, so far, how was this wedding? We came. I got here on Wednesday. I and Bibi got here on Wednesday. Apparently, puerto Vallarta had just suffered a hurricane the night before the power issues and all that. It was scary, but so far it's been nice to wake up to the view To the ocean, the buffet breakfast and everything. So far, how have you guys raced the weekend Before we jump into the love dating, marriage episode Over 10 Bibi, less than 60, I would say.
Speaker 1:For me it's been a 10. I was going to say 7 or 8 In terms of the people. I feel like I'm on a vacation, definitely. I've been posting a lot. I mean to have fun. I know why you guys are giving me a 7, so I will let everyone go. Why? Why are you leaving? I know my mouth Exactly. Why are you giving me a 7? I know a 10, because nothing is ever a 10. No, I don't like the Israeli culture. Thank you guys. That one is for me, I think. I think. Let me think about it. I think it's because we have activities. I think that's my problem. I think I thought I would be keeping it.
Speaker 1:We went for tequila tasting. We went to the city, the flea market, I don't know. I didn't think I was missing. I was sitting there shopping for my family. I was like let me buy this. I don't say anybody again. Maybe I should have asked you why is it 7? Maybe because I was also there. I feel like my mouth was on my period.
Speaker 1:I loved the vibes. I was in the pool. The other day we met some Mexicans in the pool. That was nice. You almost made the rain kill me On my first day here. We are already on that. We are already in the rain. I didn't want to do something on you.
Speaker 1:She's not saying I'm surprised that you have all people. Exactly, I was already in the rain. I was confused. Why did both of you come in in drenched? When I heard it's to look like you shaked it? Our clothes are so dry. It's the same person we are friends who dance under the rain In the pool. We were prepping for dinner. We were dressed in the pool.
Speaker 1:I was talking about the pool. I was talking about the pool. I wanted to sleep. I was talking about you when you were dancing under the rain In the pool. She said she can't tell these people In the pool to teach us how to sleep. She said she can't tell people. She said she can't tell people. I said I'm just telling you, please. I actually wanted to do. This is the next step. We are in the pool. In the pool in a bikini. I was already in the pool. We are all joined. I was already looking like what's happening. We are all joined. We are all joined. We are all friends.
Speaker 1:Exactly what's the evil person that their brain is out In a cartoon? I was looking at him. There's no way it was going to be fleeting. But okay, who asks inside the pool Just like, can you teach me what's he doing? They were friends. They were friends with themselves. They also looked like children. I was thinking child abuse.
Speaker 1:Anyway, are you ready? Weekend. I would have been giving it a 10. I take my 7 back. I'm giving it a 10 because Even in the midst of the activities, I've had fun. It's been relaxing. The only one that I had to really do Physical labour for Was going into the town, but I'm grateful for it. If they are not done, I would have all sat down On the beach, but they are on the resort. I'm not really sure about the town Going into the town.
Speaker 1:There are some people that have heard about the roads, such as the small town. You can say it's not sparse. Some people look like they are in labor, but the roads, the quality of roads is unimaginable. That can be like that. It's been like that for years. Those roads are giving vibes Like marble floors. It looks like Europe. Yes, more alley. It's a very sustainable way of creating a road.
Speaker 1:The tour guide also shared that A lot of the Nazis don't speak Spanish. They have their own local language and then he has. They had the Spanish people on their land I heard you said that and those were the ones like. We had the white people, british and Nigerian Same setup and because some of them don't speak Spanish, they didn't even speak English. There was a way they painted the buildings For people to he said so when they sell food and then blue hospitals. But then he told us how they colour coded the day of the dead. That one took me out. Yes, I watched and I was like this is real. They take a glass of water, flowers, but it's still very weird to me. We also had All Souls Day, where we have remembrance, so that's why I'm giving you this Memory House service For all your departure. I thought that was just animation and fiction. I don't know what that's real.
Speaker 1:In Mexican culture they have it as a cultural thing In November 1st to 9th In the Catholic Church. November 1st is also for All your daily departure, and then November 2nd is all Saints For all the Saints. So for how is this wedding High thing we need to be For each of you All these year moods? To be honest, I don't know. No shade to all the lovers here, but it really hasn't. I think maybe it's because the ceremony hasn't happened. I feel like it's true. The wedding has been held for us. The wedding was held for us. When I saw the video of their romantic On the beach date I was just like, oh my goodness, it's nice to be loved.
Speaker 1:Growing up with them, my parents were marriage counselors, so one was 17 and my mom. They keep saying my parents would also do them on Finance, on the finance aspect Of getting married and starting, blah, blah, blah. But to them I would also say that For me, what I love most about their marriage is the friendship that they've been in since they were young, so when they were young and they were also pastors, kids. So I think it's different. It's definitely different that they have been friends and they are partners together. Both of them are actually successful. So I haven't really seen an issue where Somebody does not let the other person, be their ambitious selves or anything. So it looks like a proper modern marriage. I'm so happy for them.
Speaker 1:I actually love seeing them together and I think I've already seen them together. I haven't seen them together that much Because they really live in the same city, but last time I saw them together Was on his birthday I think I was really one of them because I'm the only one that also lives in 60 back then and it was just the most adorable thing To see his wife Planning a surprise party for him and I just I don't know, I was so moved by that. It had me so emotional because I was so proud. Apparently, when I parked they were also in the parking lot. They had gotten their LA and told them to lay down and hide so that he wouldn't see people arriving. But he had been seen by some people so he knew something was up. So when he came down he was also cute and when they went together they just looked so Like you can't tell that they are friends, you can't tell that they love each other.
Speaker 1:Even when I lived with them they had lived fight. Even if they do, they come out and say we are fighting. I love that. I don't mind fighting with them. I'm sure things might still happen, but he looks like he is Muslim and that control, so I'm happy. I don't feel like I've not felt all loving all these. I'm not out here thinking about my ex. Yeah, I'm not ready Witnessing what Real love builds On the right precepts, what it looks like and it's good to know that Marjith can't get to 10 years, can get 10 years and he should be here at age. It's true. I have a vow in you. Yeah, I want him for 10 years 10 years.
Speaker 1:What's your current dating situation, baby? Let's start with you, because last night we were watching Love is Blind and I was like this tea needs to be shared With the peeps on the spotcast. But let me start with you. We have not had your angle. What's your current dating situation on the streets? I know you came in 2017. The dating streets have been nice to you in the US. I would say Do you mind sharing your age too? Yeah, I'm 30. Okay, 30, 30, we can remove the flirty. Yeah, my dating experience has been a rollercoaster. Do you guys remember that video of that girl? Which one? The girl was in the Lego and said that Dating them is like a rollercoaster. So this time around, my dating experience has been a rollercoaster. I Tried dating apps Over and over. I've been so unsuccessful. Which ones do you recommend? I can't recommend any, but I would say that was one of the when I went to if I wanted to Put myself out there, because, the way the US is, someone has either introduced you to someone, because you're not just going to work on the streets and one guy on the night sky.
Speaker 1:Do you think non-Nigerians are attracted to black women? I feel like. I feel like they're attracted to very slim ones. You see, what do you think is the best? That women are skinny? I was saying that they are thin. They are American guys. They were attracted to men. No, you look pretty the way you are. I'm not attracted to guys like you were saying that men are also. Everybody prefers what they prefer. I know that's not for real. I'm not attracted to guys like them. They want to use their everything. They are not attracted to girls. They are attracted to guys like them. They are attracted to key words. They are attracted to guys like them. They are attracted to girls.
Speaker 1:It's not me, I was trying to wrap it up, so for me I've just, you said you weren't successful so far. The dating apps so far. Hinge. For me it's very unsuccessful. Coffee with bagel Terrible. Maybe the location matters, though, but in Boston I would say terrible. But when I was in New Jersey, coffee with bagel was good. I think it's good in New York, but in Boston I think Bumble is good in Boston. Oh, I see you guys take your recommendation, but Hinge is good in Texas. I want to say I'm just surprised why I give Bumble bad.
Speaker 1:People have met my friends, have met my cool guys. I think I've met up plenty of fish. I know plenty of fish. Peace, somebody's out? Yeah, I'm a travel friend. I'm a travel friend. I think dating amsa is a hate type of person that likes my picture. I'm like why is this one of the things that would be better? Exactly, it makes me forget my words, because I'm like why exactly? I'm like why are we not the first conversation? I'm like I tried it once and I'm like I'm out of here. God is you or nothing, because if you don't do it, there's nobody that will.
Speaker 1:When did you wish to get married? I did wish to get married at 28, because my mom got married at 28. Are you scared now. What's the max age? What would you say? But when would you want to be married? Honestly, I would love to get married next year, but at this point I'm just living my life on my own terms. Like when I told you, guys, I was 30, because I just don't want to appear as one 30 desperate girl. I'm just having fun.
Speaker 1:If I meet someone, I think I go to one point in life I was like, it's okay if I don't get married. Yeah, me too. I'm almost there. I need to remove that pressure too. I removed the pressure for myself when I was turning 30, I was like I'm really okay if it doesn't go this way. And then that's when people are telling me you're going to get married. I'm like, thank you. In my heart, it's like God telling people to tell me this marriage is going to come. But I just settled in my heart that when it happens, it will happen and it will be beautiful. So in next time, amen.
Speaker 1:Daniela, before I get to you, let me have a question for you, because when she was shouting yesterday, I said Daniela, I must put it in your heart, but I have this quote from one of our chats before. I knew you would tell me I'm receiving. I know I'm receiving. Wait, wait, wait, stop. I know I got you, don't worry, I'm not going to just leave you out there. Wait, move on now. I was trying to boo you up and then you were like, and I quote I mean, my lane are big. I don't have the energy, time or mental space for any extra emotional wahala. To be honest, I'm not looking for anything that isn't looking for me, or this curse. I'm not looking for anything. I'm not looking for anything. I think this is a very deep statement, but I don't copy and pasted it in the notes for today.
Speaker 1:I'm going to start this message because we had this conversation before. It wasn't that long, maybe a week ago. I can't stand this message. I can't stand it. I can't stand it. I'm sorry, explain please. I'm going to say it now. I only have one boyfriend left in you. One boyfriend. One boyfriend slasher's bang.
Speaker 1:So how did you get to that point? I want a relationship left to me, and that relationship has to do with what I do tomorrow, because I feel like I learned something about myself in my last relationship, and that is that I want to love a person completely and I don't have the energy to do that over and over again, because I feel like every single time I try to do it again, it loses quality. I'm more scared of giving myself into that person, or loving that person with all of me, because it's just like what if he hurt me again? Because I don't want to be hurt like that. So that's why I have one left in me, because if I'm getting into something again, I still want to give it my all. But the truth is, if that doesn't work out, I don't know if I'm going to have the energy to give another one that much of me again. That's why I said, that's why I have one relationship left to me. But why don't you have the mental space energy? Because I'm trying to finish my PhD. You guys, I don't have. In fact, the reason why this trip is a 7 for me is because I was busy writing my paper here, working on the last comment. I didn't go into the city with them because I needed to work, and I still have work to do. I haven't even finished it, but the truth is that I'm just so focused on trying to get finished. The truth is, anywhere that tries to get into a relationship with me now I might not really get the best out of me.
Speaker 1:And there's a statement you made Sorry, I'm feeling like Oprah now. You said that. You said that there's a statement you made most that you don't want a relationship where you're trying to figure out your place in his life. Yeah, I definitely don't want a relationship where I don't know if you value me, because I've experienced that before and I don't want to question my place. I don't want to be asking you if you like me. What does that mean? Why would I be asking you if you like me? I should know that you like me. I should know that you value me. I should know how much you respect me, and I mean there's the basic respect you give to a human being. But I also think that in a relationship, there's the respect you give to somebody that you've chosen to be your partner. That's a different level, and if I just feel like I'm lacking that, then I'll be questioning it. You're still here with me, so maybe you still value me, so I'm not asking you like do you value me? That question is Are you big on what sort of affirmation?
Speaker 1:I'm not actually. That's the truth. I am big on what sort of affirmation? I think that's my primary language. I'm a quality time girl, but it's kind of like what's your love language? Me, I would say acts of service, and I learned that name, daniela Daniela. What's your Act of service? That's my first appointment. Actually, I think acts of service too is high for me. I'm kind of a quality time and act of service. What's your affirmation? So you know, your wife and I. I'm good on my own, man, I'm good on my own. I was great and amazing on the channel.
Speaker 1:They said don't let anyone come and tell you anything. Well, true, fair, interesting. Okay, then why do? The whole animal lane kind of situation is that I'm not going to go looking for anyone that's looking for me. That's the truth, because why am I doing that? Once you start doing that, that's when things start going south. What age do you hope to get married? We're 27 now. You're 27 in December. Yeah, I saw a few months before I get to test her December, december 31st, oh my God. So I don't have an age. I don't know if that's a problem, but I feel like I've always struggled to get myself married, not in the. I don't want to get married. I've never sat down and kind of dreamt about my married life. I've always wondered if that was a problem.
Speaker 1:And out of all our friends, I think you've heard about the best relationships. Thank you, how did you know? I've heard about the best relationships. That's the truth. You are the story that I'm doing. But the ones that want to, they don't get. The ones that not get it, they don't want. That's interesting.
Speaker 1:I think you mentioned the quality of men. The quality of men, exactly. I just share. I think people make oh, that guy is so great. People don't break up because the person went bad. Why do they break up? They break up because Things happen by making people less compatible. To be together for the longer. That's amazing, but they're still a good person. We just don't work. We just don't work for the longer, for all the ones out of each other. Or maybe one person is ready for the next step. The next person is ready. No, no, the next person is for you, I bet you, before we get married. So then last night, you're making up very nice, nice, no, no, you're not teaching me anything.
Speaker 1:We were watching. I was watching. She was quiet. You think she's not listening. Oh, my god, we were watching.
Speaker 1:Love is Blind, season 5 For those who are watching Stay tuned. Is there a couple where we call? Is it the brook nigger? Go, please Go. Okay, no, he's not brook, he actually has a job. But do we act?
Speaker 1:So I'll tell you yesterday that I used to think that women are the only ones who can be with a man for what he can give them, but now I'm on the side of them, that there are men who want women for what they also have. I don't know that. I thought like yes, men are the price, but I also think we're after the trophy. It's the same, we're all the price, we're all the price, but you know what I'm saying. And then you told, and you were like Never. And you also said something about how you never think, how you don't think that women are men. She'll ever be 50-50 in a relationship. We already know that Stacey has no money. She bought a house and then she asked him a question that if my AC broke and he was 20, he was hesitant we bring 10K. We bring 10K Exactly. And I also told you how I felt. Like I think people are taking advantage of me financially, Not people who have men in particular. They love to say that. Can you elaborate for the ladies who might also be in my shoes. I want you to feel about being 50-50 In a relationship or not.
Speaker 1:For me personally, I wouldn't do 50-50 with any man Because I believe in Gender roles to start with, especially when it comes to the family, not the workplace, not anywhere outside of home, I believe in gender roles. I feel like there's a place for a father and there's a place for a mother. I think my husband's responsibility Is to provide for me and his children, Whether or not you're working, whether or not I'm working. His job is to do that and my job is to take care of the home. Whatever he brings, take care of it, nurture it, make sure that it lasts, make it better. That's my job. Support him, don't stress him out.
Speaker 1:It's unequal, because when people talk 50-50, they're talking about money, domestic activities, domestic activities. They're talking about money. But there are other things that I cannot meet him 50-50 on and he will not meet me 50-50 on. But let's keep it to the money part, because you are in the money part. Other things are very relative when it comes to sharing towards this relative. Other things that you can't really speak on Is the situation. Money is the one that you didn't Left or right, front or back 50-50,. I can't do 50-50 with my husband, even if I'm any more than him, and that's because, for me personally, I'm not going to marry someone that I'm any more than Really. Yes, my own story.
Speaker 1:I prefer a man that Ends more than me. I prefer a man that steps ahead of me. You are supposed to be the head of the home. I'm not a dumb woman. Apart from the respect part, I don't want to be the one leading my house when it comes to finances. I'm not trying to be the breadwinner Of my home and I also want a comfortable life.
Speaker 1:So what my mom has taught me Is whatever your husband can give you, you need to accept it and work with him. So if you know that you want a life, look serious life Go on vacations. Don't go putting pressure on a man that's not able to give you that and don't go trying to be true, because that's what Fessy was doing. She was the man. He was taking him to the house. From where to where? I mean I can't activate his house. Why does that matter? If that's the life you want, it will be unfair of you To go for a man that cannot Comfortably give you that, what if he can emotionally be there for you?
Speaker 1:So why should you ignore that Just because he's not financially stable? Financial stability, as I'm concerned, should be top most when it comes to coming together. First of all, we need to understand that Love isn't enough, so emotional support isn't enough and it should not be. I don't think it should be people who are losing one, and financial stability Is also related. I think when men talk about they think we want a girl that has Six, seven figures. I want a girl for the both of us, for you, just because you are better than me. Yes, I'm better than me. That's my own thing. So if I want A Vacation every month or every summer, if I'm trying to date a man and we're talking about I want to understand his finances and I see that he can't give me that. I'm not trying to be. Is it that I, sir, compromise him or I get with the program of what he can give me and I work with that, thank you.
Speaker 1:So when you go on dates and you can't do this, split 50-50. I've never split with anyone, I've never done it in my life and I'm not going to do it. I mean even dating in America. Like I said, I was on dating apps. When I go on dates, I don't try to initiate the payments. What if the person doesn't have money? Then let me know. I don't think you can even tell the kind of person, even when you're touching.
Speaker 1:If you're going to go out with a college student, then that's a big deal. Yeah, I'm going to pay. I'm going to pay for the college students. I know what we are in. I'm not out here trying to be paid sometimes. That's why we set expectations. We don't watch your expectations From who? From you. So you don't mind me calling the girl digger. I'm here to dig girl. Baby, I love it. I love it. I'm here to dig girl. I'm here to dig girl. I'm here to dig girl. I'm here to dig girl. I'm here to dig girl. I'm here with my sugar. I know that they are women out there. They want to pay. If you're on a date. They are bringing their Our friends. That's great. I won't do it. I will never do it. I love my girl. I love my brother.
Speaker 1:When I go out on a date With a guy, my situation is that you're paying. I feel like it's gentlemanly For you to pay. You sit back and allow you pay. If you can't pay for it, then you say, can you get it? And again, that's what I get Can you get the bill? First of all now, because of Depending on the situation you find yourself, you can either say I'll get my half, or sometimes you might not have the ability to say get half. You can let them say, okay, I'll pay, you sell me something. Do you think this makes you look more feminine? Maybe there's one man like that. When you show them your name, I was telling you guys yesterday I don't know what you're making, I'm picking up bills. No, no, no. I mean it doesn't make you look more feminine when you don't pick up the bills.
Speaker 1:This is not just about the femininity Involved in splitting the bill or not. For me it's. In a high-tech I use the word gentlemanly You're advising a lady out. She wants to spend time with her. You pay for it. I think this might be wrong, but I think for me it's just Very much like returning how you feel about yourself. You are a woman. Do you feel feminine? All the things that you are doing Do they make you feel feminine? So no definition should now come and restrict your feeling of femininity If, in and of yourself and in what you do, you're securing your femininity. I think I would even add People would say why?
Speaker 1:Why should the man pick? For me, it seems out from the cultural bias Culture I come from, men take care of women, women also, in turn. The man does first and the woman responds. So no woman doing first. Man responds. The man shows love, kindness. The woman wants to do anything. Put to any length, but what I see now is girls doing first and expecting a return. So I will wait, I will see what you do. I can accept that. I have a cultural bias. I have grown up With seeing men do things and I see women carry their husbands Like eggs.
Speaker 1:I would not take care of a man that wants to. Why would you not take care of a man that takes care of you, respects you Not just money and gifts, but also regards you? It's just your impetus, it's just everything you stand for. The money part of people talk about that's one of One thing that can make or break a relationship. As much as it puts it, it's not a priority. It's also something that can destroy whatever you do. I'm so scared of him, but it's good to know, because he was sharing yesterday how she's been flung in and out. I was like, okay, yes, I'm here for that. Because I was like, how do you start the conversation? How do you tell a guy you don't have to? You don't have to? And the caveat is, it's been a relationship. I was expecting this from someone, from someone you were dating you. Yes, it's a relationship.
Speaker 1:If a guy doesn't offer to pay, if he actually lets go on a trip and he doesn't offer to pay, does it make me bad person? No, it just makes it too weird. It's his preference. Does it work for you? Because what I see is women being and then you're not affected. I think it's nice to have. If someone offers me to pay, that's the thing. I think this is what people Make is that they expect that every man should be this way, but in the same way, women are not the same. If one man doesn't necessarily expect a man to do something, that's the way. Men will not. Not every man is going to offer. So just because a man doesn't offer to do something for you Doesn't make him a bad person. It just makes it who he is. Now. Do you like who he is or not. Can you just about it to him and then he changes? Yes, he's stressful. I would have preferred if you did this.
Speaker 1:Or you say why you don't want an embarrassing conversation. No, please not. Why do I feel like I have to do his money You're not feeling like trying to do? Why are you also being in a relationship with someone that you can't be bare with and speak your mind? That means you're not looking at the long term. You're not looking at long haul. If I'm not talking about those things, you just know that me and you Because if I come and tell a guy that I don't plan to be cooking in our marriage, can he take it? It's a discussion for the both of you.
Speaker 1:I've met guys that don't say they're not the women that you cook, they're chefs. They can pay for that, women that can be responsible For the meals in their house. That's why it's not that. What did the chef cook? I don't know. What did the chef cook? I don't know. Or what are we having? I don't know. I am the I have. The menu is planned by them.
Speaker 1:They know she's cooking it. They have a chef, but their wife cooks only their meal. She, like bridges us in and cooks. Women are not cooking. Now they have house staff. Women are not cooking. Women are not cooking. Women are cooking. She cooks her husband's food. Her husband loves her food. The man is asking for food. That's the least she can do, compared to all the kids. Once your kids grow up to a certain age, they can't do themselves.
Speaker 1:I remember my parents. Our household got to a point where we had the kids. My mum was only cooking for us, but that's the best. Honestly, we all got that. We have 5 to 10 minutes left.
Speaker 1:Let's go into the marriage side. I know we are going to have a big wedding. Let's go into the marriage side. I know we have gone through. Why do we talk about love and dating?
Speaker 1:Okay, wait the exes remember during one of the first night we all asked each other questions about relationships. There's one question that they asked you. We said to the baby why do you think you're still single? Why am I still single? I think it's. I would say it's got timing For me. I'm single because it's probably not the right moment. I'm single because I don't want to say External factors that have contributed to it, because If I were to get married at 30, like it would happen. That's what I think.
Speaker 1:What I'm still single again is that I'm very specific On physical. I'm a tall girl. I don't want to settle for anything. I'm 5'10, you're a tall girl, but wait, we don't see for a willy. That's what I said In your last night at mine. She's very okay with that. I was cringing the whole time Like this is. I'm like what is the relationship between you and Dianne? It happens, but if you meet someone, there are a lot of them who can meet someone. I'm not that bad. I'm still up for you. I'm deciding what is meant for you. I'm lucky. I've always dated tall girls. I'm used to that. Thankfully, short guys do not approach me. I feel comfortable. That's what I said.
Speaker 1:I'm very specific on tribe. A lot of my friends try to hook me up with Yoruba guys. But I'm sorry. No, speak your chance. I'm supportive. I feel like I'm allowed to. What is the word To shade Yoruba? Because I'm Yoruba.
Speaker 1:I actually don't like Yoruba men. I think this is me. I think this is me generalising, because Yoruba men to my family and even their mothers and their mothers in law, Everybody I don't want. I'm open to change this all improves me around, but you was your reason. I think they are lazy too. Please, I see your friend, this is my, this is my culture of bias, but I shouldn't say this. I get to meet Yoruba friends. I feel like I'm friends. I'm friends. I shouldn't say this. I'm seeing men that change and start a school, but you was your reason. I feel like I just really love the Yoruba tribe. I just want to be like she's from middle state. I love you. I love how they take care of their women. I love how I just talk about they treat their wives.
Speaker 1:And when you say Yoruba, you mean Yoruba. I don't even say he's asking no, no, that's the one I ask him because People that are not, let me say Yoruba men. Yoruba is considered all the southerners as Yoruba people, because everyone is. So if you are from cross river, you are from middle state. So I think you actually mean Yoruba, but I could also do delta Yoruba, but I know it's not quite Yoruba. I could do avya For me.
Speaker 1:Why I think I'm still single. I think one of my eyes still behind On my ex in a bitch no, no, no, I can't judge you, but now I need to free me from these shackles, especially if this is not what's meant to be in the future. Also, I think there's a lot of trauma I need to To shift through and I don't use word loosely, like how I grew up. I mean, yes, my parents had. I don't want to over sugar coat it. I mean my life was okay, it was okay, but there were also a lot of rough edges and I'm just like I don't know that this is. I want to go through this. I don't know that I want money to be an issue. So it also increases the expectations I have for men. But I also think there's a lot to heal from Because of how much this day that I know my family, excellen family.
Speaker 1:It also doesn't help me look at men, look at them and respect them, because now it's like you can do all these things. You can do this. You can do all these things. I was doing it for my baby. I learnt it in driving school.
Speaker 1:I must say like now my point is I'm using that as a metaphor to all the things men think they can do for women. Do you get anything that you can do for me? I feel like I can do it for myself. I'm better Even meeting men now I'm still working on myself. I've worked on myself. I'm willing to beg me to stop your sins. Everything sounds like an excuse to me now, so I really need to know how to let go. So I think that men can see that who the shit she is. I've also heard that I'm uptight. I'm going to say she's proud she's seen me as God. So I also need to fix that. But I think that's for me, but for two of you, let me ask you why don't you ask me? I'm not asking you, I'm not asking you. That's why I'm still single.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I'm still single because I feel like I don't really know what I want anymore. I think I'm just kind of confused right now Figuring out what I want, and also I just recently had a little bit of distrust for men. I mean, I don't know, I just don't trust men's feelings. I think that they are very, very fickle and I'm yet to see a man that will Tell you he feels a certain way and stick to those feelings for an extended period. So I just don't know. I'm not ready to give myself to somebody that is just going to up and leave me one day Without any warning. So yeah, I'm chilling. I'm on chill With the hand With the hand, like the white girl. Thank you very much for watching and I'll see you in the next video. Why are you still single? That's what he says. A lot. He says a lot.
Speaker 1:I think I'm still single because I've not just found someone that I am compatible with. I have made a lot of good guys, I made good men, but I always look at a long haul. I seem like I'm sure the two of you two I have only one relationship with me, not like I had a lot. I don't have the bandwidth to be with someone that you don't know who you want. Like you said, I'm working on myself. I'm working on yourself. I always be in relationships with you. It's a while you work on your relationships with one another. I don't want to hold it in when you're not working on yourself. I feel like it's something that you work on. If I moved on to someone else's, great, that's just life.
Speaker 1:The funny thing that I'm compatible with is what I'm holding on for, again, it got parts of it Allowing God to lead me Because, again, if I say I have only one relationship with me, I mean it. I need to go to direct me so that if I'm going to go in, I know that I'm going in this one, I'm getting married. I know that if you're going to say, is it that I marry your end, where marriage is my end goal for any relationship, I don't have time to waste. If you're not married at 30, what would you do? It's okay, I don't have that age limit. I mean it would be great Sensing from 30, I would be worried.
Speaker 1:I would not be worried. I would not be worried for loneliness. I would not be worried for loneliness. It's a cultural thing, because we always put a timeline, because it stands from a biological clock. Yes, women are born with a number of eggs. If children is what you're going for, call an orphan or get married early, so we have our kids early and now we're pushing through last year and now we're in our 40s. I'm not telling you how many See your face.
Speaker 1:Do you guys want kids? I do. I've seen older mothers with their toddlers stressing their lives. They're not able to really understand them because they're just too tired. Like child, where do you come from From here? I think children might be guilty. I would work. Children are not things you pick on. Children, you need to be intentional. The biological clock is what has stemmed a lot of our anxiety.
Speaker 1:Me, it's not a biological clock. I don't want to be lonely. I don't want to come and shower overnight, I can't. If it's loneliness, then it should not be an issue for you, because there's no limit to getting companionship, even the bachelor race. You just can't go on and on. I feel like my life can be occupied. I doubt I'm saying it. I have a lot of things to climb in life now 233. But when my life is fully now stable, I mean, yes.
Speaker 1:But what do you term as loneliness? That's what I've been asking myself. If I go and be surrogate for somebody, am I wrong? I'm like. I'm not like a doctor. That's the wrong thing to do. I'm not a doctor. I can't get it to loneliness. What do we call it? Do you think a man will close that gap?
Speaker 1:I've seen people in marriage that they have by themselves. They are married and they are single in their marriage. That's the point. And they are not allowed to be stuck Because culture will not let you go out. It will not let you divorce easily, without stigma. It will not allow you to go out. Religion, culture, love, the morals it won't let you go out and keep on partner, mistress, boyfriend, whatever. So for me it's finally someone that I can do the long haul with.
Speaker 1:Where do we meet? Since we talk, we don't really have a place where we meet. We have different goals, different types of family setups. I know what I want If I don't see a place where we meet. I'm not looking for someone that is the same as me In terms of, oh, we are the same goals. To me it's not 100% possible. I've met people that are here, so it's not going to be 2% of relationships I'm looking for. Where can we meet? Is this someone that is willing to compromise on the areas that might not work for me and I'm also willing to do same? So the guys I have met, I see gaps. So for me it's me holding off and saying okay, let's keep getting to know each other, see where our compromise can come in and then maybe we can be in a relationship.
Speaker 1:But I don't have a timing limit. I've always had a singular reason because I wanted to have my children. I don't want to struggle with freezing eggs or eggs. I read women are born with a number of eggs and for each period, so you don't have to change the quality of our eggs. So you don't have to change the quality of your eggs to terrarium. So that's all I said, all the stress, the way we got the stress from her family members, all her mothers. My mother said that anytime anybody asks you, you ask them to work. You can't say that, you can't say that You're a better dad, you can't say that I'm so happy that she's engaged. Oh my God. Now let's round up. She's 33. Yeah, and I found it enough. I actually just started watching her videos. You did like her. You said that she. You did like her, thank you, but now I love her. Thank you so much, thank you.
Speaker 1:So what's our one last piece of advice to women who are waiting, single and searching Do you want to marry? They should stop that 50-50s place. I know you have a lot to say about that. But what's your one last piece of advice to women who are like, also single and searching? Relax, I think. Just don't take it too seriously. But also, like Jolann and FK say, be intentional about your search. Just don't think life is just going to come and happen to you. She says that we should go to parties. They said that we should go to parties, not even just going to parties. I really respect what they say. Women are very driven about trying to achieve their careers, but when it comes to searching for relationships, you don't have to be intentional. The same energy that they have. It doesn't work out. It doesn't work out. It doesn't put yourself out there and everything. But also don't put yourself on that so much pressure that you don't. It's like a race. It's not a race. Relax, it's a marathon that they call it. Relax, but also be intentional about your search. It's not a race. What's your last piece of advice? I mean, imagine the 50-50. I don't have an issue with 50-50. But I think it's just being honest with yourself and being honest with whoever you're trying to be with and where you stand and if they're still single.
Speaker 1:The advice to single women who are single, or single men, anyone who is waiting, I think men, women or young girls, ladies like us and young guys enjoy your singleness, because I've heard so many girls see marriages and friends. Marries is a whole different book. I don't need to be mind-tuned. I imagine my life with someone that went up on together, because even siblings go at it. It's the point where you don't even see them making your life, how much more Someone that is not banned by blood, not even water. You are banned by just the God. It's true. You want to be together, so enjoy your single. When that time comes, you'll be tested your temperament, your goals. Do what you want to do now, because when that person comes, it's what two of you want to do.
Speaker 1:So I'm learning to enjoy my singleness as a work on myself, my attitude, how I react to things, how I get angry, how I deal with issues. I take back what I said Men always working on themselves Because I'm sorry. I'm just triggered when people say I'm sorry, there's nothing to do, but we should definitely all be working on ourselves. Exactly my one last advice to single people. My one last advice to single people would be don't depend on any partner for your own happiness.
Speaker 1:I think for me, in this phase of my life where I'm 30 and ideally I should be, you know, be dating or in a relationship, I found that traveling takes my mind away from all of that stress that I want for myself. So find something that gives you joy and see like you going in a healthy hobby. Yeah, have a healthy hobby. I see getting into relationships and add on and then because then you don't have to worry too much. That's true. I'm definitely taking all these advices right now. I also have health. I actually do have healthy hobbies too. I've traveled a lot this year. I feel like maybe that might be why I also try to be occupied, see my friends as much, so I don't feel lonely, and all of that I think the only advice I have I mean in this stage I am I decided to start praying to God about marriage.
Speaker 1:I realized that I would always be God when I'm always in people's comments putting hearts one million hearts. And then I realized that when men actually come to ever float the subject of marriage or dating to me, I'm running away. I'm self-sabotaging. People say that I'm like this. People say I'm like that because I'm never really willing to be telling them. Men like women who are skinny what if we are far to my family? I'm always self-sabotaging these things and I realized that was my fear. I'm not scared of what I've also seen, that was married. I think my only advice would be to deal with any fears you have. And even my sister gave me this advice because when she started dating her husband, I mean she knew that guy loved her, but a lot of times she always had these voices that were reminding her why she shouldn't be married or she shouldn't want to get married and I actually struggle with that too. That's why I went for when Pastor Kingston and Mildred came to the US, I went.
Speaker 1:I went to the issues people are going because I actually don't have a love dating experience. One person that I've been calling ex since money, since all my life. I knew him for nine years and he's the only person since I'm 17. So I actually don't have a love dating experience. But so I keep listening to that poster and I can want to know more. And that's my own way of working on myself. Like, if you're younger, naive, like me, my mom like and I don't know a lot, so I have all these conversations so I can learn more. Like now I know that in my life if I ever go out and they don't bring out their card, me too, I should not bring out my card. I mean I should bring it out. I think we should still do it. I'm covering only my view. I shouldn't let anybody make me cover my own view.
Speaker 1:I think advice was particular to, like friends. You go out with your friends, friends and have friends Taking advantage of you, not like you say day or night. You're in a relationship with a man that has proven himself. Yeah, you want to pay for him and you know that I'm here for you. You should go and let him do first. My thing is he has to show you first before you start, because I'm going to say they feel used. You only move faster than your shadow. Now, this guy that I told that, look, I'm following you behind when you do take two out of one, when you do three out of two. That's what I'm telling you.
Speaker 1:I'm curious about what you actually think about submission. See, I have no issues with submission because, additionally, I mean the submission is a willingness, natural willingness to follow somebody's need. It comes naturally. So when people are going about submission, I feel like they lost cause. If you meet a man that you trust and you feel like you're going to go there and show that, you will naturally want to show that, like what you said yesterday, that he's easy having money, easy having money.
Speaker 1:When she saw the paper plates in his cupboard she was like, oh babe, let me get out. You'll be so busy, I'll get this paper. I'm going to show that. Wait, I want to show the SDSE. I'll never talk like that If you're a super wet, cause the reason why this man is not actually he's not like a car. See, this is bad. It's a personal choice and that is your personal choice, but you're used to it, she's used to it, she's not hard to get. Anyway, I'm going to say the quality of life, you get in used to it. You don't need that much. You need good enough salary.
Speaker 1:I definitely want a man that knows how to take care of me. I should not be teaching him to do the basic things. I'm like I'm not your elder sister. No, elder sister is a good thing. I'm not your mother. I'm not your mother. Those things are so frustrating. But anyway, please, when can they find you After all this For this lovely conversation?
Speaker 1:Please leave my podcast. Send me some of your questions. Send me some of your questions. Make him speak PG, please. When can they find you? I'm on my Instagram. Handle research To my next name so that people will find me. My next name is A-C-H-U-O-B-O-R-O Under score. That's where you can find me on Instagram. If I find you, then never, and I know you have a podcast to please plug in? Yes, you do. I do have a faith based podcast, grace Gardin podcast.
Speaker 1:Grace Gardin podcast I think it's really where I just talk about my life and have dealt with issues from a religious point of view, nothing more and my lessons and just sharing what I have done, the things I did and things I think other people could try. You started a Bible study to join yeah, bible study when I was slacking. I think that's what elected the podcast, because timing has just become an issue, because I have friends here, friends in Nigeria I got along and that person that wants to make it comfortable for everybody, everybody. What's your Instagram handle? I think it is.
Speaker 1:I always miss my spelling of my name on Instagram, but it's way me, it's way me. That's W-E-Y-I-N-M-I Double underscore For you. Daniel, I can find you on Instagram At way me, double underscore. The way me spelling is W-E-Y-I-N-M-I Double underscore. I will talk about it when we shine the notes.
Speaker 1:And, bibi, where can we find you? You can find me on Instagram At BibiChoco, underscore. And you know why the choco is in that name. Why is BibiChoco there? Because it's so scary. That's true. Oh, my God, it just hit me. Bibichoco. That's so true, and I have a Karaya Karaya picture of my DP. Don't be scared to send it to me. She doesn't want to. Please don't be scared. It's all vibes. Please don't be scared to send it to me. Thank you so much for listening. Don't forget to subscribe to this show, like, share with your friends, download, tell your friends, support the show, buy t-shirts if you can, and then we hope that you all find love someday and you're not as single as I'm praying that we all love each other.
Speaker 1:But, bibi, for you next year, for your wedding, are we coming to Mexico too? No, actually we want to have a Nigerian wedding. Oh my God, oh God, we'll keep making the money. We'll be in the canyons. So you don't think you have a Nigerian wedding. Yes, we'll go to Lake Como. We'll go to Lake Como. I'm out here. The food cannot bank. I was built from the Nigerian. I went to the dollar price in Italy, exactly. I hate Amalain eating. I'm a lah, I'm a lah. So all of you will find me, niger. Thank you guys so much. I'm so happy you guys came on today's show. Thank you guys so much. Right now we're going to get ready for the wedding in about 3 hours. We'll see you guys. We'll definitely see you guys on Instagram. So, yes, feel free to check out my Mexico highlights If you're also curious about how this weekend went. And yes, thank you guys for being here. Always remember that if we can do it, you can do it too. See you guys on the grab Bye.