The Non-Immigrant Student
The Non-Immigrant Student podcast is an audio journal of my grad-school (and now corporate) journey in the United States of America.
It is an inspirational podcast that seeks to encourage and provide guidance to other non-immigrant students across the globe on how to live their best lives while fulfilling their Study/Work Abroad dreams or living far away home!
My stories reveal all the lessons I'm learning on this journey, and I honestly believe that ''If I can do it, you can do it too!''
So excited to have you with me on this journey, Welcome!
The Non-Immigrant Student
S3 Bonus/Cross-over Episode with @Grow.with.Lade - Health, Beauty & Fitness Standards since moving to the US in 2020
This podcast was originally recorded for Youtube and can be viewed here.
Our conversation ventures beyond the professional, diving into the essence of what it means to be healthy in every aspect of life. We navigate the murky waters of emotional and financial stability, touching on the lessons learned from our Nigerian roots to the challenges faced abroad. Discover the role of spirituality in our lives, both as a source of strength and as a guiding compass through adversity.
Tune in to hear how we grapple with the delicate balance of body image, the intricacies of social interaction as introverts and extroverts, and the discipline it takes to pursue holistic well-being.
Happy Listening!
Tolu x Lade
P.S - Some additional links from the YT video:
- “On My Trip to New York, from Boston" by World of Escape on Medium.
- Omolade's podcast where she shares "...a layman guide to hacking your diet, health, beauty and fitness routine". Follow her on Instagram @grow.with.lade.
Please rate the podcast and leave a review wherever you listen; it helps me reach other people like you. Also, follow here for more :) Thank you!
Hi guys, how are you guys doing? Welcome back to my YouTube channel and my podcast, because this episode is going to be aired on both platforms. For those of you that don't know already, my name is Omoladi Ajayi and I'm the host of the Grow With Laddie podcast and Omoladi Ajayi YouTube channel. And today I have a guest, my very first guest. Well, my husband has been here, but she's my first guest on the podcast and she's been my friend for 10 years and she also has a podcast. She's a host of the non-immigrant student podcast.
Speaker 1:So I'll let Tolu introduce herself and you know, go ahead.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much, laddie, for having me here. I'm so excited. Okay, hi everyone. My name is Tolu Lukway Ulukomi. I'm also known as a non-immigrant student because I moved to the US three years ago on an non-immigrant visa. I do also have a podcast where she had my experiences. I moved from Lagos, nigeria, to the US. I'm currently working for Google as a program manager in Privacy in Devices and Services, org. What else do I do? I love painting, as you can see. What else are my hobbies? I cook. I paint.
Speaker 2:I'm a podcaster. I like to watch TV. Yeah, that's me, and I'm a proud big sister to my first and all her friends. Yes, no, I've told you, you're my mommy too.
Speaker 1:Stop that.
Speaker 2:So that means I'm a grandma to Zane. That's what you're trying to say, please no, I'm too young for this.
Speaker 1:Thank you Okay let's do that discussion for outsiders.
Speaker 2:We should actually share how we met yeah okay, yeah, tolu does.
Speaker 1:I've been a guest on her podcast before and she does something where she shares, like how we met and stuff like so let's do that again. Yeah, that's fine. Okay, so do you want to share? I'll start my story.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I think how. I don't actually remember how we met, but I know that we ended up being roommates for a long time, for a long time. We're supposed to be four. So we went to Coventry University, we studied we both studied campkin engineering together and I'm sure you already know what the podcast is about and I'm such a, I think, zatey, I'm such a proud fan and client of our mother day. She's a cosmetic scientist. I don't know when she started making shampoo, she didn't give away and I can't remember what I did, but I know I shall want and I know I participated, according to the rules.
Speaker 2:It wasn't my job and I won the shampoo, and now she's like into skincare and all that. So I'm very proud of her. But anyway, how we met is we're four. It's just before any room. Our fourth roommate hadn't come and I don't know why you ended up moving in, because I think you were on the upstairs floor.
Speaker 1:I was downstairs. You were upstairs. No, I was downstairs, you were 100 level I was on the first floor. You were on the second floor. You Buseyo Sarah. No, we were on.
Speaker 2:C109.
Speaker 1:He's the one that came on better, hey, this girl.
Speaker 2:You see, the story's not enough. Anyway, we ended up in our room. In our room, and that's how we're friends. And she was this person who always challenged, like professors in class, like sad, no, that equation is not right. So this is what's called what did reaction is? I was like Fogla, Fogla, Camkin reaction. And I said no, Fogla did not say that he did not die for this. This is how we should be.
Speaker 2:She used to challenge professors and she would not come to class. Like it was always crazy for her. Look at her now. Now you make it all make sense.
Speaker 1:She didn't know what she was saying. My parents used to say she would not come to class. I used to go to class.
Speaker 2:She always come to class after she finished the library and then she would not come and be challenging and then me tell, like this was not the last one. I used to say I've not read anything. Oh my God, you guys, I have not read. Meanwhile it's now come out and then we're like it's okay, let me know. So that's how I remember us missing. And then we moved to the US together. She came in 2020 and then I came to and then we've met up ever since. We stayed in touch. You know, when she had her first baby, I couldn't come for her wedding, you know, but now I know her husband, so that's all that matters, Like we're friends.
Speaker 2:That's what I mean, but yeah, that's my story.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, so I will take it back a little. We met because you went to Graceland. Yes, and I had gone for a math camp that I met Graceland guys and they were very smart. So when we met, I think it was in one GST class or something in the lecture theater, and you were like you were with Graceland guys and you were like, oh, you guys are talking about coming to Graceland. I overheard them. Oh, you guys went to Graceland.
Speaker 2:I have friends from Graceland, that kind of thing.
Speaker 1:So that was how I started moving with you guys, you Chinaza. Marega all of you, Yona, all of that. So that's how I started moving with you guys. So that was it. We had like friends, mutual friends, that kind of thing. And then I think I was in so close to my first roommates so I used to come to your room a lot.
Speaker 2:And then I realized that one person wasn't around.
Speaker 1:I'm like you know what? I just moved with you guys.
Speaker 2:So, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's how we met we're classmates and now we've been friends for 10 years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh my gosh, I'm an auntie, guys. Yes, Okay.
Speaker 1:so you guys that have been following for a while on this YouTube channel know that this channel is basically focused on sharing about health and beauty, and my podcast also is sharing about my growth relating to health and beauty, things I'm learning. I'm sharing with you guys as well so that we can grow together right, we can learn together. So that's the whole concept of my podcast and my YouTube channel. So Luz Chanham podcast is about the journey of the non-immigrant student in America. So today we're going to have a fusion of both podcasts, where we'll be having a thought-provoking discussion about our health and general wellness since we moved to America as a non-immigrant student, because I also moved as a non-immigrant student. So we'll be talking about changes to our overall health and wellness since we moved here, things that we can notably say have changed over time, and our vision for 2024 and not only 2024, like vision for the years to come, what we see ourselves doing with respect to like our health and wellness. So are you ready to have that discussion?
Speaker 2:I'm ready. I'm scared, though, but I'm ready Because I'm like, yeah, very drag me small, but I'm ready.
Speaker 1:There were no draggy today. I'm ready. Okay, so what do you think when we say health and wellness? What's your idea of what do you think health and wellness?
Speaker 2:is. I think that's come to mean more to me than growing up, you know, because a lot of times really, health issues we had, at least for me, was malaria. Okay, even when I came here I found out that I had anemia, I might have low vitamin D, I had this and that you know. So it wasn't that much, it wasn't a big deal to me. I just needed, I just was always trying not to have malaria you know, and closing the windows closing the beds yeah, mosquitoes that was all health and wellness was to me.
Speaker 2:And then, during the pandemic, of course, I noticed that online. I began to see because I was off, you know, we didn't have phones in CU for a while. And then we used to do TMC, so that was sports.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, we'd jog, we'd go jog once a semester. Yeah, once a semester, once a semester, once a semester.
Speaker 2:And then you wear the shirt and they will all jog till the end and they find that we jog.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was our.
Speaker 2:Do you know how we're causing hair? That they give them Fitbits to count 10,000, 15 days In coming months? No, no, here in the US, here, okay, and I found that very cool actually If you come meet someone who will be shaking their warts you'll see like they give 10,000 steps.
Speaker 2:So, anyway, that was what I knew as health and wellness. And then, in 2019, I was off Instagram for a year because I was trying to arrive in Nigeria and come here. And in 2020, when the pandemic hit, before I eventually left, I know that people started picking up a lot of these healthy habits. Yeah. Then people started talking about mental health. Yes, so that was when I began to understand. Okay, there is such a thing, as you know, begin to discover more what health and wellness is.
Speaker 2:And then I used to take well woman supplements, so that I mean, basically that's all the history of health and wellness.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so like since coming to America, your notion of what health and wellness has changed in any way. Do you know more? Do you?
Speaker 2:Definitely, oh, definitely. I think I know more, especially thanks to social media and thanks to your page. Okay, go with Lade. Yeah, period, like, no, seriously, like I always tell you when I, when you post, if you repost something, I watch it because it's like I know that you know what you're saying, even when I was trying to get a hair oil, like a message like they know, oh, when she shares, all these properties are bad, this is bad. Counting calories Although, to be honest, I have to say, for me it gets toxic. When I have to, like, need to pick everything I eat. I'm like you guys, I can't keep up, I really can't. And before I came to Nigeria, I was wearing some six cage I don't know what that is in pounds. Came to.
Speaker 1:America Before I came to America, yeah.
Speaker 2:And then now I'm about like five cage. But no, no, no, you got to judge me. Thanks, thanks, I think that's about 250 pounds, yeah. And then I remember trying, even during the pandemic I would see myself gain this weight, but you know, at home I was always wearing Jalamias, like long, big dresses, yeah, until I came here and I really, really realized that I'm actually putting on weights. And, of course, you try to take measures to go to the gym, to get the gym to do the portion controls, to do the everything that you should do as a help Check your calories. Yeah, don't eat too much A calorie intake. So I tried to do that.
Speaker 2:You've tried to adopt a healthy lifestyle since I've come to the US. Yeah, but it's not always like I've started eating my greens, so I did used to do that before. Even now, Ladi asked me if I had fruits in my fridge. I'm like not really.
Speaker 1:But I have some frozen fruits for smoothies.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I try, but sometimes it's beyond me, like I was telling my other friend. This morning I woke up and I saw Ladi doing squats. I'm like I turn the other way because I can't be pressured Not to my own house I see you guys, but I'm glad she's visiting New York.
Speaker 1:I'm a guest in that house right now.
Speaker 2:I see her doing all this fitness, even when you did a program for us to join. Nobody can be my accountability partner, because if I say I'm not doing it, I'm not doing it. Even if you ask why didn't you gym today, I can give you one answer so it's tough, it's a love-hate relationship for me. I see health and wellness. We love this relationship.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I feel like that comes also from the perspective of seeing health and wellness as just fitness, and that's one of the things we want to discuss today, because I see a lot of people and even I myself. I've noticed that 2023 or since 2020, I focus so much on the physical health part of things and a lot has been left behind or I'm not focusing as much because health and wellness is not just physical health. There's mental health, there's social health, there's financial health, there's spiritual health. So, like, it's easy to just focus because physical is the outworld, what people will see and tell you you look beautiful, you look good, you look tone, you look good. So it's very easy to focus on all of that because that's what people will see, but that's not what makes someone at peace with themselves. We're like happy when you're in your own home when no one is there.
Speaker 1:Is it just the physical, you notice?
Speaker 2:That's funny, though I would say I don't focus on physical. I tell myself my mental health is good right now, my work with God is good. I don't care what they say about me being fat. It goes way back. Also, I have an article dedicated to how I realized that I can't believe I was looking at my pictures before I moved and how skinny I was and how people then still call me fat Because I am big compared to my siblings and because my family too is there and I hated everyone so much that ever called me fat because I'm like now. Yes, I can say I've put on weight, but back then I don't see how I was fat.
Speaker 2:So I would say I've neglected my physical health actually compared to everything, but yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm here to learn. So do you think moving to America has affected any major, like all those aspects that talk about physical, spiritual, financial? Do you think moving to America has affected it positively or negatively? Which part do you think?
Speaker 2:I don't know, man, I would say I'm constantly learning and growing. So I don't know if it's possible or negative. So if one talk about it, I move. I would say I'm fully becoming an adult. I became an adult in the US. I'm here 24 now, I'm 27. Back then we weren't making money like enough. I mean, I was but actually no, my financial health in Nigeria for 24 years was good because I have shared somewhat publicly.
Speaker 1:I got a land when I was in Nigeria I saved money one million and got my first land.
Speaker 2:So I had that chronic. I must save, I must save and also moving with my parents and things my friends too are well to do. So it kind of showed in me a bit. And then for emotional health it was bad in Nigeria, I have to say it. It was messed up. Yeah, conditions at home weren't always the best because I had a very strict dad so it was very tough. With that. I want to say my emotional health was the best. Mental health it wasn't even a thing for me.
Speaker 1:So I'm not even going to say it was existing back then, then fiscal health nonexistent.
Speaker 2:We jumped the bus, we come down. We had a trend in our home, though, but I only used it when someone tricked me. If maybe my family. They saw me today and they look at you your mates are these. They can't even do this, and sometimes they would go around walking in the estate, but I never could bring myself to the stand up. It was never a motiv and even till today, it's still my biggest weakness and fear, and I keep telling myself that there's nothing wrong with me, that I can't just go into the gym like everyone else. I've tried. I bought a new lemon leg because I said, okay, maybe if I wore something nice, I went. I bought a Max, my key.
Speaker 2:I paid for a gym. I struck out $3,000. I had a personal coach last year. I'm sitting the same weight, but I've been putting in effort. I have to find another program again. I said let me buy one trailer. I bought veggies so that I can be fried, I can be doing stir fry. I started eating some of me eating avocado, me, and I'm such a picky eater. I've done so much but I still don't know how to achieve that discipline. And now I'm telling you come and pray, a point. Then. What's other health? Fiscal, financial, spiritual health. I would say it was definitely better in Nigeria, but and my mind, I moved in 2021.
Speaker 2:I have this testimony of never opening my Bible In 2021? Never, never. Because I was struggling in school. I think I had just come to terms with the fact that I was in a different place and it was so tough. And then school never even allowed me the chance to really. I mean, I was still going to church, I was still late. I felt like, because the foundation was good, god kept me Like God kept my sisters and brothers, god to say goodnight, hallelujah, somebody. And even when I did not open that Bible, things still happened well for me. My needs were still met. You know how we all think, that if you're not in a good relationship with God, then that's when you face trial and tribulations, but not necessarily.
Speaker 2:But then come 2022, the year of our Lord Jesus Christ. God planted my feet on Son of God, oh my. God, hey, oh, my God, I'm actually. That is adroit, you know, because you know the way some people the devil knows people's weaknesses.
Speaker 1:There are certain things I feel like I might not be easy.
Speaker 2:You're tripped up by drugs or weed or alcohol. But, like your mind, it's a time I always started preaching people that I'm pro-choice, I'm not pro-life. I believe you know, ah, jesus. But then I came back to the world. Someone said the world, the world. Sister and I found this yard and then I started praying more. I would say I'm in a much better place now.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:I'm almost. I used to be a speak a little bit and see you, you know, but I'm say, I'm say Jesus, I'm say a good girl, but you know, but now I'm finding my feet again. I'm learning to actually wait on God, draw close to Him, find Him for who he is, not just the things he can give me. And so now my spiritual path is back.
Speaker 1:I like that you said that, finding Him for who he is and know what he can give you, because I feel like my relationship with God has actually become better since I came to America. Oh, really, yes, when I was younger, born in the church. The foundation is here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you were a strong Catholic. You take it to church. I remember when I talked to our angels in the school. That book had the most power for me.
Speaker 1:You're like you know, parents to take you to church.
Speaker 2:The foundation was there.
Speaker 1:So it wasn't almost like you were doing it yourself. The relationship was setting for you by your parents and the schools we went to. I went to a Catholic secondary school and then I went to Covenant. So it was almost like, even when I got to Covenant was when I started getting like you know what? This is getting too much. I need some breathing space. See, she was a lot.
Speaker 1:But then after moving here and for a very short period I was, I was a depressed, I struggled with like mental health issues. In that was 2020, 2020 to 2021, like the end of 2020 to 2021. It was really tough for me mentally. But then that was when I realized I finally that my relationship with God is not based on Because then you know, you pray for things. He called to do this for me. I got to know it and I'm like wait, what is going on? I pray. This is the foundation they set for me, that once you pray, you get this. It wasn't that way. So I said you know what? Let's reevaluate this relationship. Is it a give and take relationship, or? And then I learned when I got pregnant and I was all alone and I realized that you know what this relationship is not a thing of give and take.
Speaker 1:Because I prayed to God, I made vision board that God, this is what I want for 2022.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and then everything just went upside down.
Speaker 1:So it's like God is telling me that you are not in charge, I'm in charge, so you're going to be my disciple, whether you like it or not. So my relationship with God, sort of like, now changed from forcing myself to oh, you must read your Bible. If you don't read your Bible, you are a sinner. I know that it is a thing of I'm following his guidance. I'm following him at every point, telling myself that I'm doing my best.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I had to lose myself to find God. To let go of who, the idea of who I thought I was.
Speaker 1:In fact, it's still a journey, I'm like this is who I want to be.
Speaker 2:I want to be this, I want to be this, but you know I have to let go of it, to be like who do you actually want to be? And then in that season I felt more pruned. You know, more submitted. Yeah, and I believe that's what our work is mostly about.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah. So spiritual health, I feel like since I moved to America has now evolved. Yeah, it's better than when I was in Nigeria. I can say the same. Yeah, Physical health has also. For me is a lot better. All my life is when I was younger. I've always loved sports, you know, like in primary school. Then I was on the bigger side, fat, but whenever they are doing track and field, I would still be the one to say I want to run.
Speaker 1:And I was in greenhouse, then Greenhouse used to come last every time, because it's always the fat people they would put to run.
Speaker 2:I see yellow house has come last.
Speaker 2:Exactly, I was on the other party, but I would still be in front of that one that I must run the run and I would be in last position and I would still be happy with that, and this is an issue, because when I was in primary two the first time I did it, there's this thing you jump over I don't know the name when you jump. High jump, no, not from high jump, long jump, maybe it is, I don't know they are called things. You just jump over, thank you, and I used to come last from it too. And then I heard one teacher say look, I'm not girl that you used to jump high, you just be there rolling her bum, bum you know after I heard that you know consciousness like I didn't have before, as a 80-year-old girl just came in and I just always assumed that I was to be oh, that it was weighing me down.
Speaker 2:That's why I could not move fast, that's why I could not run. They would not be putting me in the tug of war. Me that my upper body is small, what, like they, just so it has. So I feel like I've also not really come out of that you got dealt with that trauma I think I have, but it's just like there's just I can't decide that Okay.
Speaker 1:Yes, like there's nothing much I can do, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm not nothing.
Speaker 2:They said I should take walks. I'm going up and watching I'm never running so that I can be. When I take walks, I can tell myself I'm counting, I'm losing calories. But, like, maybe I should focus on fiscal health. I've tried. I definitely want to look better. I want to buy more. I want to buy nicer clothes. Yeah, you know. Okay, I shouldn't say that that's toxic. You say that I have to, I have to buy-.
Speaker 1:I have to buy to look better.
Speaker 2:No, there's also a filter that just where clothes are fitting. No, and I tell myself-.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's the part I'm going to get to. We'll get to that part.
Speaker 2:Okay, social health.
Speaker 1:Do you think your social health has become-? This is the first time I'm hearing a social health book.
Speaker 2:Do you?
Speaker 1:think that your relationship with people, your social relationships, is healthy? Do you think that your friendships, your social relations, do you go out Do you think it's healthy? Do you think you're at a point that you're at peace with-?
Speaker 2:How things are.
Speaker 1:How things are with your relationships with people socially and yes, like I've always had a lot of friends, great friends.
Speaker 2:I've always had people personally, so I've always had that and I've said if I had to do any learning on how to release people, I didn't much more see you. Or I've learned how to talk to people, but I've learned to be more available. These are things that people would complain about me, even in my romantic relationship before too, that I wasn't always available, but I've said I've come a long way. If anything, I'm only learning not to spread myself to people Because there's so many people you have to attend to checking on people, but sometimes you also get toxic. Sometimes I'm always like I'm not messaging anybody. Nobody is also messaging to check after me.
Speaker 1:Why am I the only?
Speaker 2:one and everybody has already turned me as that friend. And then, of course, I become angry. No, I'm just like, if this hooker that's choosing me to leave, I will be that person to my other friends, the person that looks and checks on them. So, although I also have to be careful that it's not a people pleasing- thing, because that's what people say but I'm like no, I'm not a people please Like. If I don't like something.
Speaker 1:I don't know what to tell you, so I don't know.
Speaker 2:But I would say my social health is good. I mean, there are a few friendships that I could do better on old friendships, but if they're not pulling their wits, why am I pressing For me?
Speaker 1:I think my social health is one part of my life that I struggle with a lot.
Speaker 2:Because I feel like I'm in between.
Speaker 1:Am I an introvert, am I an extrovert? I don't even know.
Speaker 2:Because let's lose that label. It's toxic. I hate some people. I'm like oh, I think I'm an introvert.
Speaker 1:But the thing is, I actually don't really know, because I'm like sometimes my social battery is just so low. I mean, it's even when I want to ginger that I want to go out, and then I get there. I'm just like you know what, I'm not interested.
Speaker 2:And you don't think you're depressed.
Speaker 1:No, I'm not. I know I've been depressed before so I know what depression is. So I'm not. It's just my social battery is just. I'm just uninterested, like for me. We don't like people, that's the thing. I feel like I like people, but then when I'm in the presence of people I'm almost like I just look back into my room.
Speaker 2:That can be a thing. I'm getting older. I've had a lot of things. I'm getting older.
Speaker 1:I also struggle. There's one thing I don't complain. My husband complains about a lot, and that's like my calls and my messaging and everything I'm terrible with it.
Speaker 2:You respond to me years later. It's okay.
Speaker 1:And the funny thing is, one person like imagine I do it to somebody and the person feels like, oh, she doesn't just like me and it's just like. I wish it was just a problem. It's a me problem. I don't know how to keep up.
Speaker 2:I don't know how to like when you're a mom too. You should cut yourself some slack.
Speaker 1:I don't think it's just being a mom, because there are other moms that I don't, is it that too? So it's not just being a mom. It's a thing of I open my phone and then it's a mental thing where I, for example, imagine you have 10 messages and you just decide not to open it because you're like I don't want to. I don't feel like interacting right now. I don't have the social energy to actually reply to this person and then the process of that where messages work.
Speaker 2:Why do you need social energy? I feel like you have to sound happier right.
Speaker 1:I don't know. That's the point I'm still trying to get to. I don't understand why sometimes, or sometimes I overthink it. I'm like, okay, how am I supposed to reply to this person? Are there strangers, by the way? No, even friends Even, for example, even my husband. So imagine he messages me, I mean the middle of something, and I'm just like you know what? I don't want to reply right now, I'll reply later, and that later means that he's procrastinating. I have that issue a lot. So he's like I will then forget, and then other messages will pile on top of that one. And then to now go down the list that you won't even remember that that person messaged you until like weeks after, maybe you. I now need to ask the person for something. I want to open that person's message. I'm like, oh my God, now you can't even ask for what you want to ask because you have to first reply the person's old messages.
Speaker 1:It's just a very terrible, unhealthy place that I'm at and I'm trying so hard. Okay, right now I'm trying so hard. I'm hoping that in 2021, I'm going I will be able to try better Financial health aside, now let's talk about financial health. Do you think? Since you moved to America. Now, I do want you to look at it from the perspective, not from the perspective of the fact that you're richer, because, yes, we both have jobs now as financial status has changed, but your financial health is not based on how much money you have, how you manage the money is different, or that stuff.
Speaker 1:Do you think your financial health is better now or is worse?
Speaker 2:I think it's the same because I've had that habit before, although I think the only bad money I have is if I want it, I get it.
Speaker 1:That's the only bad money habit Because you know you have the money for it now.
Speaker 2:And I've always been like that as a child. If I want it. I still get it, but I still. But I make room for it, like I say, for it I don't really have the spirit of delayed gratification, but I think that's my only issue, but I can, but also because I don't have money there.
Speaker 2:But I knew when money is not there too, you still see me that when I get money I still want to buy it instead of like waiting for a better time. So I think that's the only bad money I have. But I'll say I still say, but is that different?
Speaker 1:from when you were in Nigeria or since you moved as a student here? No, since I was in Nigeria actually.
Speaker 2:Because I started saving during sideways.
Speaker 2:You worked at Chevron with that total. I started making money there and I used to save a lot. That was when I first started saving. I had 10% for tight, 20% for saving, some 10% for feeding or some of the use, but over the years I've kind of increased it. I've had to give more. So I still follow the budgeting system. What else has changed? My financial and now we say for retirement. So that has been different. I make a list, I have a money book. I have a money book every year. This morning I got paid so I need to go into that money book and organize myself. So I think that's it has stayed consistent. Yeah, consistent.
Speaker 1:I think for me I was pretty good in. I think Pearl was the one that taught me to like shout out to you. Pearl Talked me how to like budget. I think I was in 300 level or something, so I was good with like budgeting from then. Saving I used to save then, but since I think my it's not even moving to America that has changed my, because moving to America it learns to even be more strict, because I was then anyhow much as a student, I was like you have to be straight. But since I've gotten married, holy ghost, oh my God. Marriage is where you come to people of two different backgrounds and two different mentalities come together. Right, my husband, that delay gratification that you have that delay gratification that you don't have.
Speaker 1:He doesn't have it. So he's almost like as he wants it. He does not care what is going to happen, we are going to get it. I'm just like Trukie please wait, let's think about it this way. It's like we're all going to die.
Speaker 2:The money's going to end. So what are we saving you? I don't know. I do also believe money comes.
Speaker 1:Money is going to come. Let's pay a check, we'll get money. So I'm just like so it's always biting my body, I wouldn't say my financial. This is unhealthy. Now it's just I'm in a new era that I'm trying to learn, because it's not to people managing money to get and just to.
Speaker 1:I'm in debt care right, so the responsibilities have changed and managing money has changed, because now you have to think of your goals as a family. You want to buy a house, you want to get all those little things, so now goals have come into the and both of you have to think together. And one person has a different mentalities. One person has, so it's. My financial health is like shaking One leg is up, one leg is down. I don't know. I was actually.
Speaker 1:So I said before I don't think I'm going to work on these because let's say it's $235. I'm at a point where I'm like you know what. Let's focus on all other parts of our relationship that financial will deal with it.
Speaker 2:I even try to get a bank manager. You know, when I'm in a tolu fashion, I say All the people that are for me, they have. They don't have two heads. Let me go and find out. I went to go and sign up. I was like what does it take to get personal funds in my manager? And they're like, oh, you need to have at least $50k in your current account. So what does it take to get there with my voice breaking and I was like, oh, you need to save this amount. And I said, okay, no problem.
Speaker 1:I'll check that you're doing about 2 years.
Speaker 2:I'm doing about 2 years Because at first I was like I'm even tired, because I need to know how to really multiply this money. I follow so many financial information the rich, the bad, the bad and I watch a lot of all these things how to get rich, all these podcasts on how to do my money the right way and I think I'm almost getting there. I can't do past what I have.
Speaker 1:That's just the issue. They almost think that maybe I'm not doing the right thing. But I just prepare and save information Exactly.
Speaker 2:And now, I believe, that I'm doing the right thing. My 401k is beans. It's going somewhere. There's a personal high-yield savings account going somewhere. There's an emergency savings, but that's 60% when I get in there. So every single advice I've taken, I try to put it into practice and I think it's okay. Of course, there are times I would be on my credit card.
Speaker 1:There are times where I might not be able to save any money.
Speaker 2:There are times when I might not be able to have a given budget. There are times when I would definitely sleep, but for the most part, the parts that I'm taking care of are taken care of.
Speaker 1:That's my thing as well. I'm paying my bills, I have the major things settled out. Susan is going to daycare. We are helping family here and there. It's okay when we move to the stage of we're not going to buy a house Maybe after 2024, when we're not thinking of maybe we're not starting a series.
Speaker 2:We're talking about house.
Speaker 1:Have deader dreams For now, do you know the funny part? I don't know if I'm supposed to be talking about this. I don't know that we're going on Zillow, and now this home, this will be a check-in house and we'll just tell ourselves do we have to.
Speaker 2:We don't even want to save this budget from house yet.
Speaker 1:No, but you have to move by fate.
Speaker 2:Well, even this money.
Speaker 1:I saw a video on Instagram about people going to check out houses.
Speaker 2:We don't have money yet. We should start doing that.
Speaker 1:We should start doing that, and we don't have any budget for home right now. Anyway, it's that aside. So financial health, mine is just it's better, it's not better, it's shaky. Now I don't even know. If it's unhealthy or it's shaky, then I think that is all. So do you have any vision for your wellness and health for 2024 and beyond?
Speaker 2:I'm glad you asked. I'm so glad you asked. I'm still on the journey of wanting to try to lose weight and please, I don't want to say this, I don't want to say who's on plus side Like me, I am. I don't really think you're plus side.
Speaker 1:Maybe just call me.
Speaker 2:So this painting.
Speaker 1:I call it the Sexy Tea In the time of my life my classmates call me mom tools.
Speaker 2:Same way they're trying to call me mommy and I'm refusing Because I used to have them. But that is from nature.
Speaker 1:You still do, you are very notary to do.
Speaker 2:That's your goddamn business. I want to be sexy tea.
Speaker 1:You can be sexy tea and still be our mom. Why?
Speaker 2:don't we talk about dating health? What health? We call it a romantic health. It was a lesson.
Speaker 1:Okay, romantic, let's talk about that. Let's actually, let's talk about that. Yeah, let's talk about that very moving to 2020.
Speaker 2:Why did I say that? Yeah we should this sexy. I actually this lady. I got this painting particular to paint for myself because I'm like I'm not having neck bones. I used to be fire screaming so skinny. I used to love how you got the shape.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had very thin wares and all that.
Speaker 2:So I saw and I was like I would like to look like this again when my hands are less skinny. You know all that. So this is my vision board For your look. No, not because I'm entirely not satisfied with how I look. Sometimes I wear nice clothes.
Speaker 1:I'm like, hmm, I actually.
Speaker 2:I could you know. There's actually nothing wrong with this silhouette right now. Because, you're trying to go back to how you were before.
Speaker 1:You have a good form also because your upper body I think I like that.
Speaker 2:Your upper body is smaller than your lower body, so that's the gift you.
Speaker 2:that's Well, I'm probably thank you, thank you, but you know, I still miss the part of me that misses my old self. Now, if you're someone who has always been on the plus side and trying to lose it, and that's a different ballgame right, I'm the one who's trying to say that I miss looking a certain way and if I can never get there, I'm just going to have to figure out clothes that fit this body instead of trying to go back to that old self, you know, but same time. So that's why, even if I can't attain physical health, I want to. I try to obtain physical health.
Speaker 1:Physical looks, not physical health.
Speaker 2:I try to watch my meal, try to eat cleaner, you know, try to take my carotidus like the skin glow.
Speaker 2:The one I can do, I will do, but I still say that I still have division. I signed off on another Lisa Marifid class where they send meal. I know I print it there. Right there there are meal plans. You know they post it, their video workouts. So I still want to try, also because it's going to be a win-win. I'm also going to learn discipline. Like now when people say they wake up at 5, 6, she has an alarm for 5, 30, I can't relate. I wake up at 7,. I'm like why? Okay, although I had to start waking up earlier to pray, but I'm like that's what I'm telling myself. Like I'm like I'm waking up to pray, I don't have to. My way to wake up is to go to the gym. Who's better Jame?
Speaker 1:Tell me who's really better. Well, your mates that go to the gym are praying before they go to the gym, Do?
Speaker 2:you know that. And what does Bible bodily health and what does scripture say? Something about what is spiritual, bodily Sha, poor set. Something about bodily Sha taking care of your body something profiteer, not healthy, I can't remember but anyway. But what I would tell you is I would say that's still my goal, to keep trying to be active, to stay active, and that was the win for me this year. Now I know how to take 30 minutes off.
Speaker 1:Before I fall asleep I'm not working, I'm not telling you. You came to visit when we did the first podcast, remember, In Manhattan. When you first came from Manhattan to visit, you were like how are we walking? I'm like, why are we walking? Why so?
Speaker 2:now I know how to take walks. I've walked 40 minutes before, so I'm much more active. So those are the little habits I've built I'm really proud of this year. Now, at least even for days, I'm making it to the gym. I'm able to stay them at 30 minutes before. If I start panting and sweating, I'm like Jesus. No, I hate discomfort.
Speaker 1:I hate it so much, sucked girl.
Speaker 2:Why? Who am I doing this for? I'm already okay with how I am. What is all this? Maybe I just feel angry. I'm out, but now I know how to stay 30 minutes Before although, yes, I still had ice cream in the night but there are days where I control myself. I'm like today, you're not taking that ice cream, you're not taking that biscuit, you're not taking that plantain chips. So I plan to continue that into next year and hopefully, even if I don't lose weight, I'll still look like I'll be sexy in my own way. Per Per, how do you get to romantic?
Speaker 1:health. I don't remember how I got there. Wait, let me share my own for 2024.
Speaker 2:Then we'll go to romantic health.
Speaker 1:Okay for 2020, if I feel like since 2020, I've focused so much on physical health and the looks, right, Right and I'm guessing to a point where I'm I don't actually like my body. Like I was saying, I like the way you're, I don't like my frame, it's I don't like it. And people always see me like you look so confident when you carry yourself.
Speaker 2:I'm telling you, I will see you jumping, doing jumping jacks on Instagram.
Speaker 1:I don't like it.
Speaker 2:I'm not. When I look at those videos I'm like I know, but you still did anyway, and that's a big deal. It's a big deal, but still I'm like I don't like it.
Speaker 1:I wish my body. You know, when you keep living in this lalala and wishing, wishing, wishing. I don't want that anymore.
Speaker 2:I want to get to a point where I actually love myself. Yes, I'm really, because really this frame.
Speaker 1:Whether I lose weight, I'm not gonna lose my frame, even when.
Speaker 2:I lose. It would be the same frame in the smaller body, except in Christian BBL. That's exactly it.
Speaker 1:That's the idea of Christian BBL. So I wouldn't lose that frame. I would still have that frame, that's true. So I just need to come to terms with loving myself Also. I mean to skin, and this is a point. I'm getting to this point because I've been trying to. I mean a part is pointing my career where I'm working on some goals career-wise and is getting me to like re-evaluate the reason why I'm in health and beauty skincare. Because I was going to part of petroleum engineering before. Right, I'm like, why did I redirect to health and beauty? And I'm trying to understand, why am I so passionate about it? Because all my life I've always hated my skin. I hate my skin so much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I know why. I'm happy your face is as bright as it is. It's not fair, but it's fair. It is fair Because that is the part that everyone sees right. So it's like oh God, your skin is so perfect.
Speaker 1:I'm like you've not seen half of my skin. I hate my skin so much and I'm trying to get to a point where by hopefully from 2024, I start loving my skin, because I have eczema, a lot of eczema, and I have very sensitive skin. So even when my skin is healing or I feel like I've gotten to a point where I've cleared off all my spots or something not all then I get to flare up again and my skin is filled with eczema, lesions and all of that and it just makes me cry 80% of the time I'm on the bed, like even when I was pregnant. It was terrible. I thought I was going to share a story about that because I have videos and pictures of that season of my life.
Speaker 2:Did you add to it in your pregnancy? Yeah, I'm not really looking the same. I'm not size your nose.
Speaker 1:But, like my skin, I had terrible eczema flare ups during pregnancy that I would be scratching in the middle of the night. I wake up every day and I have to wash my bed sheets because my bed is filled with blood every morning. And then imagine you have to change your sheets before going to work and I would just be crying?
Speaker 2:Actually, you don't. It's you that used to overdo you know, this lady used to iron her underwear on when she was seeing you.
Speaker 1:Why do you have to change?
Speaker 1:your bed sheets before you go to work, because I don't want to come back and see the blood, not labor, but seeds would remind me of the fact that, of how bad I don't know what she means, so I would be like I'll just remove this and wash it and, almost every night, repeating the same thing. I just hate. I would say I hate. I don't want to use the word hate because it's a very strong word, but I'm at a point where I dislike my skin so much that I feel like that's why I'm so into health and beauty. What can I do?
Speaker 2:to get my skin better.
Speaker 1:What can I do? What can I do? So I want to get to a point in 25th I'm like well, I need to accept that I have this condition. I have, yes, my skin looks glowing and everything, but, oh well, not all over, that's a healthy place to be, that's where I want to get to Even for me Loving my skin and besides the size of my body, my frame, loving that Even me too.
Speaker 2:Before. I I've never not like taking pictures. I'm not person to them. Whether I don't like how I look or see possible, that is all that matters to me that I'm happy with my pictures. I want to post it, but in 2020, I wrote this article as I was looking for where I said, on my trip to New York from Boston, where I discovered that I'm actually, you know, I thought that if I was fat then, then what am I now? You know, and I said that. I said to myself that the truth is, insecurities about our bodies will probably always exist. I'm not sure it goes away.
Speaker 2:It's how you feed the insecurity that matters. Do you associate fat with being ugly? Does feeling fat make you feel diffident? Does looking fat make you feel less? I get that fat is used in a subjective way, but will I still work towards getting slimmer? Yes, would I require that slibness to feel beautiful? Not anymore. And I feel freed after that fact, and I think that was where I finally got my freedom that, if I was waiting to be slim again to call myself beautiful. But now that's why I could body label this sexity, because you know, I still want to feel that way for myself, without wishing for a man to tell me or anything.
Speaker 1:So when it gets into you, so, with that, waiting for a man to tell you, let's talk about romantic hair.
Speaker 2:I am not body sex. Yes, potatoes got no hair.
Speaker 1:Potatoes are gonna for days, potatoes yes.
Speaker 2:Bego. I can't remember why. I think I was going to say that I had gone through a breakup last year and of course. I hurt, but I was like, let me say, look at my face. When did you go through a breakup? I can't remember who that was.
Speaker 1:I was like I can't remember who that was.
Speaker 2:It was just a running joke, but also I forgot to mention that I actually took therapy earlier this year. That was some way of yes, I know you did Some way of trying to grow my mental health. I was like okay, this thing that everyone keeps talking about, how can I actually? Okay? Yes, we talk to these people. They help us see catch our blind spots and see things from a different perspective, and that was actually good. It was good because at the beginning of this year we had the Google layoffs. I lost a friend.
Speaker 2:You know, things were just going out of control. I was like, okay, maybe I should have just started taking therapy. I actually stopped in June for a start, traveling a lot, but then I also realized that all these answers they gave me, I have now found it and I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound cliche or too Christian or too naive, but if you're a person of faith, honestly I can say for the fact that if you actually stay close to Jesus, like all of those little things are solved, like all that anxiety, I used to feel all that, all that. I would just come back and I'm feeling sad. Why, when it's not like I'm hungry or I'm homeless, like all this sadness? When my mom said that sadness is the money, you know, I just think that she's doing too much.
Speaker 2:But then I realized that all those spirits that are talking to me, telling me that look at you. You scroll on Instagram and you're going to feel less or you're going to feel a certain way, just begin to feel uncomfortable. I'm like no, this is not, my identity is not found in this thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my identity is not. My joy is not found in this thing.
Speaker 2:Exactly. It is not like my joy is my joy, the joy of God is my strength, and I try speaking affirmative words to myself as I start praying more to all my all. The fear is to have in me. You know, to an extent I'm free.
Speaker 1:That's what they say like there's nothing.
Speaker 2:That is not already in the table?
Speaker 1:There's no, there's no, oh, the therapy from therapy. I also realized that 80%, even people therapists that are not Christian. The things they tell you when you're independent.
Speaker 2:you're right when they say, john, be cognizant of your this thing, you know, yeah, look, yeah, you're right. There are some things they say that you can actually put it to the Bible.
Speaker 1:It's things that, when you read about it like, oh well, this is the Bible, the Bible is a therapy on it too.
Speaker 2:So when?
Speaker 1:I'm saying there's karma. Please talk to them, sign up for it, because there are a lot of things they actually pointed me to.
Speaker 2:Even there were things I was very avoidant about, even sometimes, when the man is talking too much truths, I'm like I'm like I'll be so evasive.
Speaker 1:I'm like that's not the exact way you know.
Speaker 2:So I'm happy that you're, because all your friends can't point out certain things to you.
Speaker 1:Sometimes they don't even want to, just so that they don't break the friendship.
Speaker 2:Exactly so. I would still recommend it because it helps it to be more self aware, but I think Jesus still does what we're asking.
Speaker 1:I think that's why we're also having this discussion. I think that's why we can have this discussion, because we've both had therapy, so we've both come to a point where we've understood, like, what is happening in our lives and what we want for going forward. So let's talk a lot about Romantic.
Speaker 2:We've not talked about this. We've not talked about it.
Speaker 1:How did your Romantic life change between coming to America, and I mean between being in Niger and coming to?
Speaker 2:America With tears. I want to say it was almost non-existent. I mean, I did have a good friend. I spoke to him for almost 10 years, blah, blah, blah, but you know it was long distance and how has it changed Then it now ended and I came here. So now it's always weird talking to guys like I feel so awkward because I don't really know what is you got?
Speaker 1:healed from that.
Speaker 2:No, I don't think I'm not healed, honestly, I've please. Healing is is what is overrated, I beg you. I'm joking, but I'm okay for the most part. But my point is how has it changed? I think, just being able to see someone else and be like, oh, I can like this person. I always feel like there's nobody again.
Speaker 1:You know, it always feels like.
Speaker 2:I don't retain body anymore. So I'm still waiting to feel that spark, you know, to see, oh, what does it mean to actually like someone again? I think that's the I'll say, that's the only thing. Yeah, I don't really have so much experience in that year, but some day like what do you look for my?
Speaker 2:goals for this year. I said I will do it by myself. I'm going to join Hinge. Did you work? Yeah, no, I did not like the experience. I mean it wasn't bad anything. We went for normal days. I was just. I was broken up two months before. It was just boring to me. It was so boring I was just like I don't want to be here right now. What am I doing? And then I also I feel like God told me that you know you can't do it by your own. It's probably where I went about it, because I went about thinking that I could find myself in my own.
Speaker 2:So it depends what if it's that I went. I started dating maybe just to find friends, just talk to people that I think he might have worked. It was just, but I don't know if I recommend but going for it. If I work for someone else, exactly it does work for people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Hinge works for people.
Speaker 2:I know people who have gotten married from dating apps, like friends that I met here. So I recommend based on that business, but based on my personal experience not really, and I know when you're going through and see kind of food, I'm like what about me? Make you think that we can?
Speaker 1:be together, together.
Speaker 2:Like and it's I mean, then it makes me start being to have low self-esteem.
Speaker 1:I'm like God, what is the problem? My human despise is like give me I'm like why?
Speaker 2:Like so? I'm like, no, I'm not going to do that to myself, but as they're going forward, I've removed it before, In 2020, 2023,. My goal for myself was that I would put myself more out there, would join the dating app, but so now this year we was happening to see I'm not going to do that, and if yours, then you're thinking maybe you should go out more, girl, I'm outside when I'm already outside. See, even when someone else would be outside, I'm outside.
Speaker 2:Outside is not the solution and it's not the solution and I have no people that they're being in their house. I have a friend that let me tell you. Even if they was not, even I would not say that we all thought that you will be married first. Even if they were set, I would have said people that voted me to marry first.
Speaker 1:To marry first before me. So it's not see. I tell Edward this every time because he doesn't believe me when I say that, yeah, all the girls, None of my friends would believe that I'm going to first get married before All the girls that are married right now in my set like that I think of they are not taking me.
Speaker 2:Okay, maybe Remy, remy, what's your mom, all those moods if they said one year we didn't marry? Maybe we'll still be waiting for them.
Speaker 1:But now all they are waiting for. Even me. I thought I would be getting married like I was still 30 years today. Now 29, 30, that was my goal.
Speaker 2:All that I got was 23, 25 Guys. I've been bridesmaid. All of them are babies, sure the baby that you got.
Speaker 1:Oh, are they not funny boys.
Speaker 2:No, they're real. Let's laugh, let's talk about it. Nah, I'm not a single lady, now that you know, when we were growing up and we saw this 27 year old.
Speaker 1:What are they not married?
Speaker 2:I'm going to sleep with their parents. I've become them. You guys, I don't even need to sing while I'm searching, but now, at this point, in the case of going to the store in 24, I want to be more open minded. Now I think I'm open to dating non-Lendera men. How?
Speaker 1:do you know I'm wanting to have a white nephew and niece. I won't talk too much about being a white boy, sorry.
Speaker 2:But you never say yeah. The point of never, say never, because I've been to a wedding with my friend Gomai Tuwaga and I saw him read his vows and I was like, wow, you mean, love is really universal language. You know, I thought that the way Nandera would love a woman is different from the way a non-Lendera would love a woman, and I saw that.
Speaker 1:Even from the perspective. Let me just use okay, I'm married in Nigeria, my husband is Nigerian, but all my life I wish to like. I'm a Eurobar. I have to get married to a Eurobar guy Because they're the ones that understand how to love me. It's not that way. All the Eurobar guys are the demons. They were not demons, but I'm sorry, but they did not work out. They worked out.
Speaker 2:I'm not the type of people who are like in my family, exactly so I'm not also a big fan of Eurobar men.
Speaker 1:Please, no offence. All of this personal experience, all my exes, sorry.
Speaker 2:Because actually any of all the friends we have, they're all marrying good Eurobar men, so I don't know.
Speaker 1:So go ahead. It just doesn't. It's not. It's the universal language, the one that works for you, that you understand.
Speaker 2:The Cocoa of Matai has been stoned to inflate in the last half, like I'm not even going to try to put myself much more out there. I've chosen to be myself. Even though I'm not so familiar, sometimes I do some things I'm like, so this is very uncool. This is only the last, but you know now I don't give a f.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't give a f 2 about it.
Speaker 2:I'm just like I'm just going to be myself. I see other women who are bigger than me get to my right. I see other women who are crazier than me get to my right. I'm like God, there's nothing wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with me, so I'm going to wait. I'm finna, wait To you and enjoy my life Till whenever the time is.
Speaker 2:So I think for me it's just to be more open minded, to also learn so much more about myself. So when a guy comes to like I know, okay, this is what I don't like, this is what I like. I'm able to be very communicative. I'm also learning to learn how to spend time with people we're talking. Yes, I'm not really a quality time person, I'm not really a caller Like I show love, but I've gifted you, I've texted you, I've hosted, I've cooked for you, any other and if I do it once a year, I do it with all my heart. If it's more than that, if you're asking for too much more, I can't deal. So I have to learn how to meet people where they are, in this or so. I think like working on myself is my romantic relationship goal. That's it.
Speaker 2:I honestly don't know if I can talk on that, because I'm married. You should be married, that's the goal.
Speaker 1:That's the love goal. Yeah, there are. It's like look at where you are this year and like, okay, what can we do better? Don't want to spice it up, don't want to go out on more dates. Do we want to focus more on ourselves and less on the kid? Or not less on the kid, but like give more attention to ourselves All those kind of little things.
Speaker 2:I'm free for baby season, but you will pay.
Speaker 1:From New York to Boston, I'm free.
Speaker 2:I'm free for your flight and it's because you know it was after season. I love you, but you know it was after that experience. I said that Maybe I should reconsider this smile. I want to regret. I want to regret Because who is going to be crying with these babies at night? Who? It can't be me. Even when you will scatter things, pour milk, who's going to clean it? Who? Because it can't be me. Even yesterday I couldn't stand out to cook myself. Food Isn't now your mess? I'll be cleaning.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no, no this is something no. But this is real life.
Speaker 2:Like God, I have a baby in my child.
Speaker 1:I wanted four kids. I wanted four kids before I got married. I said to Edward then that oh, I want four kids, two girls and two boys.
Speaker 2:It's going to be nice because. I have a sister and two brothers.
Speaker 1:I'm like that would be nice, my day Until. Well, god is in control. I'm still following his, I'm being a disciple but what I want? He knows. What I want is one kid Zain.
Speaker 2:God man, I told you that now it's zero to two Before it was zero to two. Look, I'm not going to hear me, but someone told me this how would you meet someone you love and I want to make a baby with them. Maybe I could see that. I could see what you're saying, but you know, and now the scripture of him multiply, go for time, as people have different schools of.
Speaker 1:I understand that scripture from the perspective of childbearing, or that way I can multiply so many ways. It doesn't have to be only through children, because it's not something that is by winning souls for good, you can win souls for good.
Speaker 2:Yes, I will multiply his kingdom so I really, I really don't know you can also, I just because of the age of life, I'm into where like the independence now is like ultra, so it's like I can't imagine.
Speaker 2:I can't imagine like having an extra look at children are nobodies, but I can't imagine having an extra responsibility is a responsibility that can feel like a burden, something yeah and even when we know, like it's true, I'm about to start interviewing, you know, on top, young political, but I'm good to say, like it's how it is, like sharing roles in marriage, like getting support, like I know that men try, yeah, I people stop saying men try because it's their children, right, but you can't change the fact that like a mom will always be a mom, like no matter what, I can still dump the child just on you because you know, you know like, okay, when we say roles I don't even know if so, eddon and I don't exactly do oh, we are sharing roles.
Speaker 1:This is your responsibility, so, but our greatest fight ever that we've ever had was this year, and it was about shows and rules. Ever in our life, like even all the world, where the team we never really had an image of fights or anything in like it was about who is going to clean this, who is going to do that, who's going to do this, who's going to do it better? Because it is frustrating and I hate, it right if?
Speaker 2:I start talking about. I'm good to look at it talks.
Speaker 1:It's a minute, so that's this part of what I'm saying I'm learning, and it wasn't even because I really do not gain grace for that. It was not, no, it wasn't even because he's a guy or anything. It was from the perspective of this is how it should be right exactly, and that's the problem.
Speaker 2:Yeah, saying that that's how it should be, that's the problem. That's the problem. Right, that's the problem in and of itself. But I don't ask how society there's the way the world is. No, what I'm saying is how I want.
Speaker 1:So, for example, I want us to clean at this time because I want the house Saturdays. Growing up, saturdays were like declining days. Edward doesn't understand that. Or before that fight, he did not get to more family. He did not get that. You are quite extra, though, but yeah, but that's the thing they should meet you where you are.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm not okay.
Speaker 1:Now, I'm no longer extra, because now I'm beginning to like meet him where he is. But, like it was that we had a major fight because I was thinking why can't you just get it, yeah, that we go to work. Then when you go to work during the days, there's no time to do deep, intense cleaning during the week. Saturday, we're gonna do like this. I don't care what you have to say. Yeah, he did not understand that. Yeah, so that was our major fight ever so rose.
Speaker 2:We don't exactly say that. What kind of health is that now, when your space is clean? Is that fiscal or more? I'm trying to bring it back to me it's, it's environmental health.
Speaker 1:It's mental health, because I for one, when my space is not clean, it affects me with iconic understanding. I can't explain it, I can't focus, I can't do things, I'm just like yeah it's everything like what can't it just be where it's meant to?
Speaker 2:be. I don't get messy people like even girl. That was my biggest fight to my sister's, like he did fight I can't. What do you mean? Like your tour cannot be home? Exactly what do you mean that you can't? I don't know if that's one thing, I'm going to cast him here.
Speaker 1:There was a day we came back from a party he's not cast. I'm going to cast him because and he removed his coat and put it. So we have like where we put laundry, this thing, and he just puts it there and I'm like on the floor like laundry.
Speaker 2:That's their business that's.
Speaker 1:And also he's like I'm coming back there because I'm going to wear that tomorrow, so I don't want to put it with dirty clothes. I'm like so what happened to? What happened to? It's been inside the wardrobe, wonderful, just because you cannot.
Speaker 2:And then me, I also think that you left it there for me to pick up exactly which is an issue and he's like you don't have to pick it up because I can't walk past it hey, I can't walk past it more than I see there, so I can't hope for marriage.
Speaker 1:Please, my dear please thank you, and he likes to call his cleaner than me, but he's not as arranged as I am. Yeah, I think, yeah, there is, there's also cleaner he likes to call his little is little. That I am, but my dear. Why is this bulk this week?
Speaker 2:you see there's certainly marriage fight now on the YouTube okay, he's talking that we moved past.
Speaker 1:That was an issue. I'm fighting for you, don't fight for him because if I still have that fight again what's happened to just picking the top and see we'll come back to it.
Speaker 2:That can be a couple go for 2024, my dear, that's true so, yeah, I think we've touched on every aspect of yeah, we've almost gone to like one and enjoy that conversation.
Speaker 1:I did, it was really really nice we're hoping we have high hopes for 2024, so please, keep me accountable.
Speaker 2:My fiscal health well not that I need it to feel more beautiful, but I do want to be. I'm thinking about longevity too. I see that people were actually more active. They're not sloppy. Yeah, they have better moods the hand of God.
Speaker 1:There are people that work out every day have to see dying at true, but me, I know that's my mom it's not your path.
Speaker 2:It's not your path. It's not easy.
Speaker 1:Yes, physical health is good, but if God says this today, but I think what I'm sorry. But if God says that it's time, whether you're the most healthy person on earth or not, there is not in your physical health.
Speaker 2:But let me talk about the Instagram people. This is the temple God has given me, so I have to take care of it. I say that, I say that, I say, I say that, I say that. That is my mantra. Get the hell out of my screen. That's not what I'm thinking about it, if you're taking care of other people.
Speaker 1:Like your house, you're taking care of it. You're trying to keep it clean. This your own house. How are you actually taking care of it?
Speaker 2:yes, think of it from that perspective. Yes, more I'm thinking.
Speaker 1:I know you're not thinking about it. I am thinking about it did.
Speaker 2:I drink smoothie with you this morning yes, you did, you actually tried we're trying like I'm getting dying.
Speaker 1:I would like to hear from you guys in the comment, because this is going to be on YouTube and on the podcast. So I'd like to hear from you guys what do you think. Do you think that, um, you have any goals for 2024 that are not the conventional? Or I want to now work out from January, because everybody used to have a new year, new me and we're supposed to be JM50 times. Have you thought of other aspects of wellness, your spiritual health, your emotional health, your physical health, your social health, financial health, think of all these aspects and normally I used to do vision boards. Like every year, I stopped. I didn't do for 2023 because I felt like 2022 after all, my dramatic vision, but nothing came to pass. I'm not kidding my itch on my itch on people's all. I think my husband also came to the US.
Speaker 1:I was like that's there were some good parts there were good things, but I just felt like 2022 vision but did not give. They did not give, so I didn't do for 2023. I might do for 2024. Also, her sister has a YouTube page and she's if you're in island, right, she's having a brunch a vision, but brunch January 6th 2024 so we put exactly, so you guys can sign up and join that if you want to have a vision, but for 2024, yeah, just when the EU you can, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, that's episode. Do you guys enjoy it? I hope you did. I hope you giving you some this thing to think about. Another, it's a very long one, we're sorry don't be sorry don't listen to me, yeah so yeah see you guys, hopefully to look who have another episode together, maybe for your podcast. Yeah, I mean, you can also check out the ones, although the one we did together was the struggles of moving to this country.
Speaker 2:I want to take you down. I have to down part two first. Ah, there are some things that could be legally binding. You know, I was like I'm not. We share the look, we share the look, but but wait, I think I'm not sure if I've done a lot.
Speaker 1:One after that, but it's fine, but this is a new one. This is you still talk about everything?
Speaker 2:yeah, and was nice to meet you guys. Yes, eat me too was nice to eat me thanks for you.
Speaker 1:Thank you, tolu, for coming on here. I'm doing this with me. I really enjoyed it. Guys, you know the way.
Speaker 2:Subscribe smash that subscribe button.
Speaker 1:Yes, how they say like what does, like, hit the um whatever you know what to do comment, yeah, like, share, subscribe and all the good stuff bye guys happy holidays.